Reba....

I have had so much on my mind that I want to blog about, from my salvation to the baby and I will get to those but right now I want to blog about this lady!





Yep REBA!!!!! I was blessed enough to go and see her this weekend and let me tell you I couldn’t stop smiling or dancing! I was in the third row center stage!

My bestie was right there next to me!


I never thought I would see her in concert but for my birthday bestie and very much to my surprise got me tickets! I was so excited I cried and almost chocked on my food! I think that was the best reaction I have ever had and it was so sad that bestie didn’t record me like she usually does when she gives me birthday gifts. She still gets a kick out of my reaction from last year when she gave my Tyler Perry tickets and she still replays it and laughs.

It was by the far one of the best concerts I have ever been too! Reba was my very first tape I ever had I got it for Christmas when I was about ten I want to say. I ran that tape nonstop, dancing in my room and singing every song by memory, being at the concert took back in my room singing with a hair brush.
The best part was Piper was just rocking along with me!! It was an amazing night and I will never forget it!!!

Thank you My Amanda Panda for one of the best gifts!!!!
You made my dream come true! I love you more!!!!

Understanding...

Yesterday I was on yahoo news and I read that this trainer was becoming obese so he could understand what it was like to lose weight. I guess he has always been fit or whatever and so he thinks if he gets fat then he could understand how hard losing weight is.
This really bothers me because I don’t understand why people are always trying to understand overweight people. Why are overweight people so interesting to the world? Like when they do a show about a skinny person in a fat suit. They want to know what it is like to be fat for a day. So they can say they understand how overweight people feel. Understand my foot!!
Hell yea it is hard to lose weight if it wasn’t then we would all be skinny and fit and do you think people become overweight on purpose? I am going with NO! I didn’t plan on being overweight, not something you plan it just something that happens over the years.
What this trainer doesn’t realize that it not about losing the weight it about saying no to the food. People out there have an addiction to food and if they could stop eating they would. That is not the case with all people but most of them.
I let life get away from me and I forget to eat and then I eat whatever is around me and sometimes it not healthy. I don’t sit around and eat all day and gorge myself, before I became pregnant I would go to the gym, walk and do Zumba. Right now I am enjoying being pregnant and I am eating pretty much what I want and guess what I haven’t gained any weight!! I have every plan to get back in the grove of things and going back to the gym and eating better after she is born.
The point of this blog is, how about trying to get to know the person based on the person not because they are overweight and you want to know why they are or you want to prove to yourself you could lose the weight or whatever. Hopefully this trainer will get his understanding he is looking for and it will make him a better trainer.

Makes you think....

A worried woman went to her gynecologist and said: 'Doctor, I have a serious problem and desperately need your help! My baby is not even 1 year old and I'm pregnant again. I don't want kids so close together. So the doctor said: 'Ok and what do you want me to do?' She said: 'I want you to end my pregnancy, and I'm counting on your help with this.' The doctor thought for a little, and after some s.........ilence he said to the lady: 'I think I have a better solution for your problem. It's less dangerous for you too.' She smiled, thinking that the doctor was going to accept her request. Then he continued: 'You see, in order for you not to have to take care 2 babies at the same time, let's kill the one in your arms. This way, you could rest some before the other one is born. If we're going to kill one of them, it doesn't matter which one it is. There would be no risk for your body if you chose the one in your arms. The lady was horrified and said: 'No doctor! How terrible! It's a crime to kill a child! 'I agree', the doctor replied. 'But you seemed to be OK with it, so I thought maybe that was the best solution.' The doctor smiled, realizing that he had made his point. He convinced the mom that there is no difference in killing a child that's already been born and one that's still in the womb. The crime is the same! If you agree, please SHARE. Together we can help save precious lives! "Love says I sacrifice myself for the good of the other person. Abortion says I sacrifice the other person for the good of myself..
By: Jagadeesh K Rathinam

Going Fast...

This pregnancy has gone by faster than I thought it would, I found out pretty early so I thought I would be pregnant forever! Yeah I was wrong!!!
Monday I will be 28 weeks and I will be entering my third trimester according to my What to Expect book. It just seems like yesterday hubby and I were talking about how we have plenty of time and now we are down to 3 months! To be honest with you I am freaking out!! I haven’t even bought her a single thing; I will pick up something at the store I think oh I have time to get her something. .. Now we are almost here and I still haven’t bought her anything! By this time with Elijah I had so many outfits and toys for him!
I am feeling more pregnant now, my belly is getting bigger and it is getting hard to breathe because Ms. Piper loves my ribs! She moves a lot at night and she moves with ever Thomas talks to her. She loves to stretch out and do a little dance on my bladder. I can’t wait to see what she looks like, Elijah had dark hair like me and big lips like Thomas so I can’t help but wonder if she is going to look like Elijah or completely different! I see a curly haired little girl but other than that I have no idea. We go in on Tuesday for another ultrasound and I am excited to see her again and this time Thomas gets to go with me!!
I went and bought some new maternity clothes and they are super cute, I just wish it was this easy to find cute things when I am not pregnant LoL!
We have so much to do before she gets here. We have to move things around in the house and deep clean it since we have a black lab who just loves to leave her hair EVERYWHERE!! Tomorrow my mother and bestie and I are going to go register at Babies R US and maybe target! I am excited to get that done with my two favorite ladies!!! We are going to start planning the baby shower and all that fun stuff! We are having a Halloween themed one! I cannot wait for our baby shower, Elijah’s was so much fun and I am looking forward to celebrating with all our family and friends. We are incredibility blessed and I couldn’t thank God enough for all the wonderful people he has put in our life and I can’t wait till Piper gets to meet all of them!!

Sick...

Headache? Check
Sore Throat? Check
Stuffy/Runny Nose? Check

Yep I am sick!! I hate being sick and pregnant because it a double hit! You can’t really take anything and you already tired from being pregnant so let’s add everything on top of that you just have no energy! I have been in bed all day with a box of Lotion tissues and Tylenol! I am praying that it doesn’t turn into strep because (knock on wood) I haven’t gotten it since I found out I was pregnant. I hope this clears up fast because I have a great weekend planned!
On an update, I passed my three hour glucose test!!!!

Elijah went to the fair today with my parents and that was great because I was able to get some rest and he got to have fun! Thank you mom and dad for being awesome!
Now I am going to take more cold medicine (it is safe) and watch Bridesmaids!
Goodnight…

Pregnancy Update…

I went to the Dr. the other day and everything is looking much better. My blood pressure is under control with my medication and my weight is good. However I had to do the glucose test. You know the really gross drink and you have to sit for a hr., yep that one! Well my Dr. called and I FAILED that test!! So what did I do today?? I had to do another test but this time I had to wait for three hours! I sat there in this small office while people came and went. I had my blood drawn every hr. I am praying that I pass this test because if I don’t, it means I have diabetes. I am trying not to freak out about this but I am!!
I should find out on Monday or Tuesday! I know a few women who had diabetes while they were pregnant and they said you just have to watch what you eat. It would make sense if I did because I still get horrible headaches and blurred vision even with my blood pressure controlled.
I go back to the high risk Dr. on September 26th and I can’t wait to see my baby girl again! This time my hubby gets to go with me!!
So please pray for me that my test comes back better this time!!

True Love...

his pledge to her: "i will kill the spiders. i will share my fries with you when you’ve finished all yours and are still hungry. i won’t ever pop my collar. i will never be rude to your tummy- when i hear it growl and gurgle, i promise to bend down and reply respectfully. i will eat the mushrooms when we order the supreme pizza. i will kiss the papercuts. and the door-slammed finger. and the counter-bumped hip. i’ll try my hardest not to get annoyed when you whisper questions and comments during movies. i will be the big spoon. i will let you win at wrestling. sometimes. other times i will not. i will go faster. harder. i will pull when you want. and tease you when you don’t. i will send you random txts and leave you silly gifts. not always. not on schedule. just whenever i want to. whenever i think you need one. or seven. i will check your tire pressure. and remind you to take your car in. i will hold your hand. i will love you. i will love you. i will love you."

Doubt ...

I have been full of doubt for the past few weeks and I am really not sure why.
I question everything in my head when someone says something. However it has been so much worse when it has come to my husband. I doubt everything he is saying to me. I just sit there and wander what he is telling me is true.
The thing is I have always had doubts about things, it like everyone else has their shadow’s to follow them but I have doubt. It always there, just whispering things to me. “He really doesn’t love you, who would love someone like you" I am getting that one a lot and it is eating away at me.
I don’t know what to do? I am getting to the point that I do not believe a word from my husband and it is causing fights and hurt feelings. I have always wondered why he was with me. I am short and overweight. I just don’t know what he sees in me. I feel people are looking at us and asking why is he with her.
I know this is not normal. I should be happy he loves me and that he is with me but it honestly hard to be, because doubt is there standing there reminding me how I look or how I am. I was hoping when I got married and had kids that I would have more confidantes but I don’t. I feel like I am back in school and I hear the kids calling me names and reminding me that I am short and fat...
I just don’t know what to do anymore; I do know that I can’t keep this up because I am pushing a wonderful man away and I so very much love him...

So if you could please pray for me that God shows me that doubt is just the devils way of controlling me...

Lost....

Don't you hate when you lose something and you have no idea when or where you lost the item?
That is what happen to me yesterday. I have a thumb ring that I have been wearing on my thumb for 7 years now and I never take it off! Well I was driving to dinner and I went to go mess with it like I always do, when I noticed that it was GONE!! I freaked!!! I looked on my self, floor, Elijah car set and I couldn't find. I have no idea where it went.
Now I know that some are thinking just go get a a new thumb ring, well that the problem the ring was my first wedding ring from Thomas. We got married at 19 and we had no money so we both had simple silver bands. When he " upgraded" our rings a few months later I put the silver band on my thumb.
I kept it on to remind me every day how far we have came in our life together...
I will keep looking and praying it will show up somewhere. I know I don't need the ring but I like having the reminder how blessed and loved I am by my husband...

Trying to change...

This weekend didn't go as plan and part of is my fault because if things don't go my way then I can be a totally you know what! I wanted this and that and I didn't get it and so I put on my silent treatment towards hubby and then the Witch came out.
As the day went on I started to thinking about everything that happened, I realized I am trying change my husband into something he isn't, I fell in love with him and I married him and he is the same person he was 9 years ago, so why I am trying to change him.
I see other couples and what kind of relationship they have and I judge my husband for not doing what that other husband is doing, which is hurtful and wrong.I have a great husband, I may not get flowers or cards but he really does give me so much more,I just need to realize what is important. He is a good man, he has an amazing heart and he loves me for just me! I am a big girl and he finds me beautiful and sexy ( even though i don't believe him). He is an amazing father and he thrives to take care of us. I know he loves me and 7 years later I just don't understand why he is even with me! I don't know how I got so blessed, instead of trying to change him I need remind my self everything he does for me and our family.
We may fight and we bicker at each other but we have a great relationship and we have a strong love for each other.
I realize I dont want him to change because he is the man that God made for me...

Blood Pressure...

So I have been dealing with high blood pressure for a few weeks now. I had the same issues when I was pregnant with Elijah so it came to no surprise to us that it would happen with her. I hate this because now I have to do a 24 hr urine collection which is no fun because I have to keep it in the fridge and return the awesome bright orange pee holder tomorrow to the Dr. I am also trying different blood pressure medicines which again I hate because I am shaky and dizzy and I get horrible headaches.
On August 16 I have to go to a high risk Dr. Dr. Smith is her name and she is out at Mercy. My mom is going with my since my hubby is going to be at work. I am really nervous about going and I am really not sure. I know we are doing all this so I don't end up in ICU again after she is born like I did with Elijah.
So that is what is going on in Pregnant land right now. I will let you know what the Dr says!!

Have a great Sunday!!!

Because Of Him...

I have an amazing husband. We have been together for 7 years and life is wonderful and it is all because of him. He may not give me cards or flowers but He gives me so much more and nothing he writes in a card can come anywhere close to what he already does for me.
Because Of him we have a good life because he strives to take care of our family.
Because of him I know I will never stand alone he is always by my side ready to fight my fights and hold my hand.
I know how to laugh at my self more.
I am a better mother.
Because of him he makes my fears go away with just a hug and kind words.
I know he will always protect me.
Because of him I pray more.
I am stronger women because of him.
I smile for no reason.
Because of him I have still get butterfly's in my stomach .
and because of him I know what true love is...

He gives me so much just by being my husband, father to my children and my partner in this life God has blessed us with. He is my rock and my best friend and I thank God everyday for giving me a man who can put up with me!! Because of him I will always be loved and happy.
Thanks you for everything you do for us.

Come on Friday...

I am lonely tonight, Hubby we started a new job last week so now he lives in a different town during the week. Last week was HORRIBLE!!! I got sick and it was such a long week with out my love there to make me feel better, so by Thursday I was done and in tears most of the day. I ended up in the ER because I was sick with a stomach thing and I ended getting dehydrated, so I had to get some fluids and the whole time I just wanted my husband but he was in another place.
I realized how much I need him and how much I miss his hugs and laying on his chest at night and watching Mad About You together. I hope this training goes by fast because having him home only on the weekends is not enough for me.
I know we are strong enough to do this, just doesn't mean I want to!! We may fight and bicker and get on each other nerves but he is my one and only, he is the one who can calm me and makes me feel better with just a few words.
So for the next few weeks I am going to be counting down till Friday...

We are having a...

A baby GIRL!!!
We are so excited to say the least! My official due date is December 19,2011 however I am going to be having another C-section so she will be born a week before. I am beyond blessed. I have my son and now my daughter, I also wanted to have a boy first so he could watch out for his little sister. Elijah is doing better with the whole baby in mommy belly, we went to the best store the other day ( Target) and we were looking at baby stuff and he was going crazy picking things up saying " I buy for baby". He was so funny.
When the lady said Girl, my husband first thing to say was " Great that is two pedicures" I just died laughing! I on cloud nine right now because my life is so full filling and I am so loved and it over whelms me that God has given me so many blessing in my life.
We have a narrowed the names down to Piper and Olivia. I of course love Piper and my love wants Olivia! I have a feeling Piper is going to win though (:
December cant come fast enough! I am ready to hold her and look into her eyes like I did four years ago when God gave me my first blessing.

Tuesday July 19,2011

I really have not blogged much about our pregnancy and I am slacker for that! Truth is I have been so tired and sick I just really haven't had much energy til now.
The first weeks were rough morning sickness over took me and then around 7 weeks my levels stopped going up so they put me on Pomuterum (sp) and that just made feel worse, unfortunately I couldn't keep anything down and it took all my energy. I would go to work and then come home and pretty much crash! Well at 14 weeks I started weekly shots and things have been MUCH better!! I am keeping food down but still get sick at the most randoms times of the day and I am slowly getting my energy back. Also I have not gained any weight!! Which really suprised me because I all I want is milk and cookies! I am now 18 weeks along and my belly is growing and I actually look pregnant not just FAT!!! YAY!! I will post pictures soon I just have to wait since I decided to break my camera! I am going to blame it on pregnancy clumsiness, my husband doesn't see it that way though lol!!
We am finding out on Tuesday at 1:30 p.m what we are having!! I am so excited!! I would love to have a little girl because my body is already taking a toll with this baby and I would be done however having another little boy in the house would be just amazing! I love my son he is a funny little boy and completely like his father! I am surrounded by super hero's and race cars. So I wouldnt mind having a little pink house!
We finely have some names picked out but I am still thinking so I will let you know soon!!
I hope you have a blessed Sunday!!!

Happy Birthday Elijah~

My son is now 4 years old!! Where does the time go? He is a typical 4 year old to say the least. He is into super hero's, asking why, picking his own clothes out and saying NO! He makes my life so interesting and fun! Not a day goes by when I thank God for giving me this crazy non-stopping talker little boy that has an imagination bigger then the world!

For his birthday we did his favorite super hero IRON MAN!! He loves Iron man, when he gets into one of his silly moods we have to call him Iron man before he will answer whatever I have asked him!
We went swimming and then came back to my house for Hot dogs and cake. Bestie took the pictures with her niffy camera!




He was so excited to see the banner up! All he coulds say was " My birthday is coming"



The Iron Man Cake!! A very yummy cake till the dog decided to finish it off in the middle of the night!!!!



Presents!!!



Iron Man Movie!





Iron Man Toys!!!


Blowing out the candles!!! Make a wish!




Needless to say he had a great birthday party! Here are some of my favorite pictures of my 4 year old!!








Happy Birthday to my Big Boy!!! I love you

To my Husband...

My husband , Thomas Alan Duran is a wonderful man and an amazing father. He is hard working and thrives to take care of his family. He loves with everything has and I couldn't ask for a better partner in life. My son is the way he is because he has a father that plays and spends time with him. I love listening to them play " super hero's" and hearing my sons laugh when he is hanging out with his Daddy.











My husband is my rock and my shelter. He brings me comfort and strength. He is truly my better half. With out him, my life would empty. I thank God for making a man that shares the same heartbeat as me. He is my one and only true love.
Thank you Thomas for being a wonderful Husband, Father and Provider to our family. You are truly amazing and I am proud to be your wife.






I love you and Happy Fathers Day!!!

For all the SAHM!

A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a Cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door. He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls. As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, 'What happened here today?' She again smiled and answered, 'You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world do I do all day?' 'Yes,' was his incredulous reply. She answered, 'Well, today I didn't do it.

What would you take?

If God came to you and said you can bring one item to Heaven with you what would you take?

I have been thinking about this a lot for some reason and I am really not sure why because I know in Heaven all my treasures are already there, but I keep looking around and wandering " what would I take"...
I have so many items in my home that are important to me, a memory attached to them. I love my pictures, I love them because in the moment it was taken everything was perfect and nothing can change it. I have love letters from my husband that he wrote to me when we were Young and thought we could take on the world, I go back and read them to remind me where we came from and that we have conquered so much more then we ever thought possible. I have Elijah art work on my walls and I love being surrounded by his imagination and his small hand prints. I have these hair clips from my little brother, they say Heather on them and they are pink and I have kept them all these years because that is the only gift he ever bought with his own money. I have a ring I wear everyday from Bestie and I wear it because when I look at it, it makes me think of her and how I want to be a better person. She is one of the most loving,caring and giving women I know.
I have a pink baby blanket up in my closet that Bestie mom got me when I was pregnant with Elijah, she got me two thinking I was going to have a girl. She passed away never knowing Elijah or getting to know this baby. I gave Elijah one of the blankets and I am holding on to the other blanket for this baby... I have small heart shaped jewelry box my mom gave me a few years back and it has cracks and chips in because I broke it, I remember just sitting there crying holding the broken pieces in my hands thinking I will never see her again, now I look at it thinking God is the glue to everything even when you think things can not be fixed.
See what I mean I have so many wonderful items I can choose from, so how do I just choose just one??

I am going to choose my salvation... I choose my salvation because I know God has treasures for me in heaven, these items are my treasures on earth and he knew that we wouldn't be able to choose just one so he has treasures for us waiting and I cant wait to see what it is, Who knows maaybe it will be my pictures,letters,art work,ring and jewelry box...


So what are you taking?

Summer begins...

School is over this week and in the past that use to mean something to me. It meant pool, and BBQ and late nights with my everyone because we were all SAHM but now I have to work! BLEH!!! I am going to miss staying home this summer. We lived in the pool and doing fun things. I am going to miss going to the kids swimming lessons with Bestie and laying out and get sunburned and the complaining about it and then do it all over again two days later. I am going to miss windows down and music up and the smell of coconut on our skin. Stupid Job...
This weekend is the being of Summer with Memorial Day coming up. So we are going to go to the pool and just hang out. On Monday we are going to go see The Hangover Part Two. Which I am soooooooo freaking excited to see, because my love is in it! You know who it is! If not, IT IS THIS SEXY MAN!!




And I am sorry but if you do not share the same feelings prepared to be called stupid,crazy,dumb and a rehab and we can no longer be friends!!

So I am really looking forward to this weekend! Hubby and I are both off on Monday so that makes me super Happy!!

It is 4 weeks till bestie wedding! It is crazy to me that she is getting married sooo soon. We have been talking about this day for a while now and it is going to be here before we know it! I need to practice on her hair and makeup because I want her to look gorgeous on her wedding day!!

!



Then After that she is leaving me for a week to go to stinking HAWAII! I hate her! I hate her with all me heart! All I am saying is I better get something AMAZING!! (:

Then when she gets back to will be 4Th of July and then Elijah 4Th birthday. I think we are going to do the Avengers because he is really into super hero's right now.


After that I am not real sure. My little sister and "B" birthday is in August. I am sure my belly will be bigger by then and I am hoping not to big yet because I really dont want to go buy summer clothes when I am not going to be wearing them that long.
Well that is my plan for the summer. What is yours??

Happy but worried....

My life is filled with so many wonderful things and I couldn't be happier in my life. I just cant help but feel some what down in the dumps. I know some of it has to do with my hormones making me feel up and down like I have been feeling and the rest of it is I don't handle change very well, even the best of changes! I just don't do well with any change.

I am so happy with everything that has started to happen in my life and I am seeing Gods work in every ones else life around me.
I am so excited for the baby but I am worried that I will forget about spending time with Elijah and I worry that him and I wont be as close as we are now, I am also worried that me and the baby wont have a bond like me and Elijah have because I will not get to stay home with the baby like I was able to with Elijah.
I am also concerned with Thomas and I, we are doing great and I know adding a baby into the picture can change a couple and it takes time to find each other again between sleepless nights and feedings and everything else that plays into having a new baby in the house and not to mention keeping the 4 year old happy!
When Thomas and I are off everything in my life is off. He is my rock and my strength when I am ready to throw in the towel. I know we can do it, we have done it before I just pray it is not as rocky as last time.

I am also missing bestie... She is getting married June 25 and I am so happy for her and I love seeing all the change that God is doing in her life. It is just hard to feel like I don't belong anymore or feel like I am not needed. I was her go to person and I am not anymore. I miss being able to call her up and go to a movie but I cant do that anymore. I know I sound immature and selfish but for the past 4 years it was just me and her and now, well it just different. I know it will take some time for things to get back to a some what " normal". I know she is on nine cloud and I know the feeling because I was there when me and Thomas we first together. I couldn't ask for a better bestie and she is my person I go to and I want all the happiness in the world for her and she has finely found what I have been praying for.
Jamey is an amazing man and he loves her like she deserves. I know that she hasn't forgotten about me and I know that her and I are still closer then ever, we are more the bestie we have always been sisters at heart. I am so honored to stand next her when she says I do and becomes Mrs. Amanda Wylie...

I am also dealing with a little of jealousy along with everything else I am feeling. I want to have my weekends with my family but I don't get to. Thomas is sleeping while me and Elijah are doing well nothing really. I see on facebook my friends going to the parks, swimming or to museums or the zoo as a family and I miss that so much. Sundays use to be our day. we would go to a movie and dinner or we would have a nice dinner together and take Elijah to get a snow cone and go for a drive. Instead he sleeps and he gets up we eat whatever we get and then he goes and lays back down. His days off are Monday and Tuesdays so I am at work all day. I miss family time, I miss us time. I know this is life of a cops wife but it still sucks...

I know God has his hand on my back to help me from falling down, he understands my feelings and my worries. I am so blessed to have such an amazing Heavenly Father, I will get past all my worries of the all the changes because he will be there to help me all the way and in the end I will look back and say " why even worry? I know he will give me the strength to handle anything he has plan for my family and I...


Psalm 31:24
24 Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the LORD.

Philippians 4:13
13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

2 Timothy 4:17
17 Notwithstanding the Lord stood with me, and strengthened me.

What is in a name?

We are having a hard time coming up with a name for the baby. We just can not come up with something we both like. Elijah was easy to name, his name was picked out when we were dating, so when we found out we were having a boy we just knew. We love the name Elijah, it means Warrior of God, we also loved it because Elijah called fire down from heaven and he never died in the bible. His name is a strong name and has great meaning behind it... Of course his name fits him perfect!

So I have been reading the bible and looking up names and I can not come up with anything. Girls names have always been hard for me to think of because there are not very many girl names in the bible that I like and then also there are so many names over done when it comes to girls names and working at a daycare does not help any!! I know that I have plenty of time but I just want to pick a great name that has a great and strong meaning and that will fit the baby.

I love Caleb, I like Noah (hubby loves Noah), and we were thinking Titus but I am just not sure about that. I also like Ethan, Everette, and Copper but hubby really would like a bible name if it is a boy.

Girl names I like are Lily, Ava, Anna, Lauren and Katie... Just not really loving any of those names.
I also have a problem with worrying about what everyone else wants or likes. So I stress about that.

Whatever we name the baby I just want them to be proud of their name.

So if you have any ideas please let me know what you think!!!

Great News!!!

Hello Everyone!

I have not been on in a while and I have been doing fantastic!!!
I ended up not having my surgery because something else came up! I found out on my anniversary that I was pregnant!!!! I just stared at the test and was in complete shock and then it sank in and I ran out of the bathroom yelling " Thomas I AM PREGNANT!!" and of course I was crying. I was on cloud nine!
I am 9 weeks and I am due December 15,2011.
I have been sick and so tired but it is all worth it in the end. My levels stopped going around 7 weeks so they had to put me on some medicine to help my levels and they don't make me feel any better.
God is good! I finally gave it over to him and stopped worrying and he blessed us even more!
I am so excited and I can't wait to share more with you as the weeks go on!!!

Needs Prayers...

I am really looking forward to this week to be over already! Thursday is Thomas and I 7Th wedding anniversary!! Then on Friday we are going to go to Six Flags with some friends and just have a great weekend. Then Easter we are going to go the lake with my parents and relax, because Monday I am going in to have my tonsils taken out. I have been having a really hard time with this because I am so scared that something is going to go wrong. I know that I am in Gods hands and that he will guide the doctor and everything will be fine, but I still cant help feel like this.
My life is perfect! I have a wonderful husband and an amazing son. Loving parents and wonderful friends! I am not ready to leave them in anyway. The thought of never being held by Thomas or hearing Elijah say Momma I love you, breaks my heart and I can't breath. I enjoy everything about my life. God has truly blessed me with so much love.
I know that I am being crazy and ridiculous but it just scares me. I need this surgery because I am always sick and so I have no option on saying no on having the surgery. So I need you to please pray for me that I can have peace of mind and that everything goes OK next Monday.
I will not be on for a while because I am going to be down for a while after the surgery and apparently in a lot of pain! So I will give an update as soon as I can.
I pray that everyone has a wonderful Easter!!

Take over...

So far 2011 has been a great year and there has been so many blessings in my life this year. I know a lot of changes are about to happen and I know that God has so much planned for my family . We thought that we were going to be going one way, but God had something else in mind for us, we are just not sure what he has in store for us. I am ready to see what he has been planning for us.
The past week has really opened my eyes that I am not in control of my life, but God is. We may have our whole life planned out for us, then God comes along and shows us a better more fulfilling life.
We just have to learn how to truly give up our own wants and step out on faith and know that God will provide us with a life that we could never give our selves.
I really don't handle change very well and I see God changing my life right before my eyes and I have my moments of weakness and question what God is trying to teach me. I know if I would just step back and allow Him to take control then I would be amazed with what he could do for my family.
I am going to try and give up my concerns and let God take over, allowing him to give my family the best life possible.

Copy Cat...

I am beyond annoyed right now! So I am going to vent for a minute.
I have been blogging for almost 2 years and this is my way to get whatever I am feeling out and I love my feedback. Blogging is part of my life and it is very important to me.
Well about a month ago I was told ( well it was implied) that blogging is just a diary and that I need to be careful what I say in it or I will have to pay the consequence for what I right, and I did after I wrote a blog that person deleted me from facebook. I was pissed and pretty much done with this person because she thinks she the end all be all ( and she is not).
Well guess who is now blogging??? Yep you guessed it! She has now started her own blog!! After what she said to me and my fellow blogger's. I am so put out with this women! I just don't understand people sometimes! But I will say I hate when people say things and then turn around and do what they just put down... UGH

OK I am done venting! Thank You for listening ( or reading)!!

I hope you all have a blessed Sunday!!!

The Scents of My Wonderful life...

So my life is in twinned with scents and it always has been. I am funny about scents I only burn certain smells at certain time of the years and I never mix to scents. It drives my bestie crazy! The first time she realized this was when we were shopping for candles and she had me smell pumpkin and I told her I couldn't burn that scent yet because it was the summer time. You should have seen her face!
Scents are the keepers of my memories. I have a memory locked away but as soon I smell something, the memory is unlocked and I am taken back.


Like today was a gorgeous day and you could just smell spring in the air. I walked outside and the wind was blowing and I could smell the flowers that just started to bloom somewhere and I was two years back thinking about how I was taking Elijah for walks at the duck pond early in the morning and how much I loved spending that time with him.

I have scents for everyone in my life and for the things that I have happened in my life, some great things and some not so great.

I cant smell the cologne Micheal Jordan because it makes me think of my childhood friends father that past. I was at walmart one day and this gentlemen walked by wearing that cologne and time stood still for me. I was 13 years old all over again and I was with my friends watching the movie Grease and Tom came running in singing along with the movie and dancing around. One of the best memories I have of Tom, when I was still young and things were so simple.
Another scent that takes me back to my youth is fresh cut grass. When I smell that in the air, I am on the softball field playing the game. I loved it!! The late night games, the sunflowers seeds, the chants we would yell. I can hear the laughing and the cheering. I had some of my best times out on the field.

I love when I walk into a salon and I smell the hair, shampoo and the chemicals for the coloring, it takes me back to me and bestie going and getting our hair done, I remember the first time I had bestie get her eyebrows and lip waxed!! OH lord I thought she was going to kill me!! Still makes me laugh!
The smell of popcorn and chocolate makes me think of all the endless talks we have had laying around watching sappy movies and playing the WII...

When I smell the scent of tuna it takes me back to the last time I got to see Mom ( my bestie mother)... She was an incredible women. The smell of books takes me to back when I fist met Mom and DR. They have been such a blessing in my life..

When I smell wet dirt it makes me think of my little sister playing in the sprinkler when she was 4 years old. She is now 13 and she is turning into such a young lady.

One of my favorite scents is Cinnamon, true cinnamon, not apple cinnamon. True cinnamon makes me think of my mother. I loved coming home in the winter because she would always be burning that scent and I loved walking in the door and feeling the heat hit me wrapping me in the scent of cinnamon. Another scent that makes me think of my mom is baby powder. When I was younger my mom would put baby powder on after her showers and when she would leave the bathroom, I would run into the bathroom and close the door trying to keep the scent of the hot water mixed with her shampoo and baby powder in and I would just stay in there till I could no longer smell it. I don't know if she ever knew if I did that, but I always loved how she smelled.

The smell of Copenhagen makes me think of my father. When I smell that scent it takes me back to when my dad was teaching me how to play Jim-rummy. Also the smell of canned Chicken and dumplings, oh my goodness the worst thing ever!! We still crack up about that!!!
The smell of Lime Beer takes me back to last summer when my brother came over and we talked on my front porch till 4 am! We hadn't talk that way in a really long time and I am so glad to have my brother back in my life.
The smells after a thunderstorm takes me back to the summer I got baptised at church camp. One of the best days of my life!

The scent of Cool-water perfume and Lucky cologne takes me back to the summer of 2002 in front of Jenny Reavis house in a red Pontiac where I received my first kiss from my future husband. Till this day when I smell those scents I am 17 years old all over again. Not knowing what God had in store for us.
The smell of Lysol takes me back to the day I found out I was pregnant with Elijah, and how over joyed I was to hear those words " Your pregnant"...


I love how scents are in my life because everyday is like a walk down memory lane for me and I love taking the time to stop and smell the roses and think about all the wonderful things I have in my life...

80 questions of randomness ...

1. This survey gets a little personal; can you handle it?
I don't know, guess we will see

2. If you married the last person you texted, what would your last name be?
Duran

3. Were you happy when you woke up today?
Sure was!

4. When were you on the phone last? And with who?
Thomas around 12:00

7. What are you excited for?
Going to six flags in April!

8. What were you doing yesterday?
laundry and cleaning

9. Honestly, who was the last person to tell you they love you?
Elijah

10. What's the last thing you put in your mouth?
Starbucks drink

11. Have a best friend?
Yes

12. Are you scared to fall in love?
No

13. Do you think teenagers can be in love?
Yes

14. Last person you wanted to punch in the face?
mmmm I am not saying...

15. What time is it right this second?
5:41 pm

16. What do you want right now?
not real sure

17. Who was the last person you took a picture with?
Amanda at church

18. Are you single/taken/heartbroken/or confused?
taken

19. When was the last time you cried?
Friday

20. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
yes

21. Do you find it hard to trust others?
sometimes

22. How fast does your mind change?
never, wait all the time!

23. I bet you miss somebody right now.
I absolutely do.

24. Can you honestly say you're okay right now?
Yes

25. Why do you think so many people cheat?
Because they are selfish and stupid!

26. Tell me what's on your mind?
If Thomas will get a letter from Yukon.

27. What are you looking forward to in the next three months?
Thomas vacation , six flags and getting my tonsils out!

28. Have you ever worn the opposite sex's clothing?
Yep

29. When did you last talk to your number 1 top friend?
Just now

30. When is your next road trip?
April

31. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell anything to?
yes

32. How's your heart?
Perfect

33. Have you ever felt like you weren't important?
many times

34. Do you think somebody's in love with you?
yes

35. What are you planning on doing after this?
Eating Pizza and watching Nick open his gifts


37. Have you told anybody you loved them today?
Yep.

38. Who do you not get along with?
My in laws

39. what does you 3rd recent text say?
thank you for putting up with me I love you

40. What are you wearing right now?
Jeans and a shirt

41. You're locked in a room with the person you last kissed, how is it?
Amazing!!!

42. When's the last time you had a grilled cheese?
Last month

43. What're your fave boys and girls name right now?
I don't know

44. How did you feel when you woke up?
good, just still sleepy!

45. Do you wish someone would call or text you right now?
I am with the two people who I would want to text me so I am good.

46. Do you crack your knuckles?
all the time

47. What were you doing yesterday at midnight?
writing in my journal

48. What are your LEGAL initials?
HMD

49. Who's the first M in your contacts?
Molly

50. when was the last time you laughed really hard?
Yesterday when Thomas thought he broke his toe

51. Your number 1 top friend walks out of your life, do you go after them?
Of course!!

52. Last awkward moment?
not real sure

53. Are you afraid of the dark?
No

54. Do you have good vision?
yep

55. Have you ever tripped someone?
Not intentionally.

56. Have you ever slapped someone?
Yes.

57. Are you Irish?
No clue

58. Do you use chap stick?
Yes

59. Do you have any scars?
Yes

60. Is there someone you will never forgive?
yes

61. Are you dating the person you last held hands with?
I am married to him

62. Name the last person to text you?
Thomas

63. Would you marry someone 8 years older than you?
No

64. Can you go in public looking like you do?
Yep

65. Have you ever kissed someone whose name started with a J?
Yes

66. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
depends if Thomas is working

67. Whats the first thing you'll do on your wedding day?
Get my hair and nails done!

68. What's one huge pet peeve?
Slow driver!

69. Last one to put their arms around you in the last 5 days?
Thomas

70. Do you miss the way things used to be?
Sometimes.

71. Has anyone ever told you they're in love with you?
Yes

72. Song You're thinking of right now?
Come home

73. Want someone back in your life?
yes

74. Will tomorrow be better than today?
Today was a great day but tomorrow I took off and Thomas is off so I am pretty happy about that!!

75. What’s the color of you’re shirt you are wearing?
Grey

76. Has anyone ever sang or played music for you personally?
Yes

77. Does it bother you when someone lies to you?
Good Yes!!

78.Is there anyone who understands your relationship status?
Well I am married and that is pretty easy to understand!

79.Are you a naturally happy person? Or is your happiness forced?
I am very happy until you make me mad!

80. Is there anyone you wish would fall in love with you?
He already is (:

More then a number...

For the past few years, well OK since I was 16 years old I have been trying to figure out who I am or more so who I want to be..
I feel like I am getting closer to know the answer to that but then I start to question my self or listen to other peoples comments that hurt and dwell on them for days. Then I am back to right where I started!
I thought I was gaining my confidant's back, but to be honest with you I am not sure if I was ever getting any. Since started at CNW I have been so worried about what people think about me my confidence level is below ZERO!
I was called fat at least 4 times this month at work and well it really is hard to feel good about your self when that is all you seem to hear,I am tired of my weight defining who I am, because I am more then a number on a stupid white square that can either make you have a great day or make you want to hide under big sweaters for OH EVER! It is hard to walk away with you chin held high or laugh it off when something hurts so much like that 3 letter word.
Why does it hurt to be called fat? I wish I knew the answer to that question, along with why is OK that she eats a whole tub of ice cream and no one even looks at her but I pick up a cookie and I feel like the whole room is thinking " she shouldn't be eating that"! WHY???
Why do I worry about it so much because like I said I am more then a stupid number! I am heavy yes but there is so much more to me then that!!
I have great eyes, I am an amazing wife and mother, I am a trustworthy friend, I will love you with all my heart, I love to sing and and make people laugh, I am a daughter, a sister, animal lover, I love to read and go to plays and concerts. I love warm summer nights, I love to watch movies and play games with my family and friends. I am more then a number...
In Gods eyes I am perfect but in mine I need work, why cant I see what he see in me? Why cant I see what my amazing husband see in me? I wish I could see what my friends see but when I look in the mirror I see that 3 letter word.
The reason why is because I have allowed all of the years of being made fun or all the looks I have received make an impact in the way I see my self. Instead of listening to the people who matter and who love me, I have listen to the strangers whispers and the people from my past. I am no longer going to allow my weight to define who I am. My weight does not make me who I am, it is all the wonderful things I have to offer people, That is what make me ME!!!
Does this mean I am going to start eat whatever? No I am going to keep up with working out and watching what I eat. All I need to to be is healthy and that is what matters. Not what that stupid white square says!!!!

my life

My life in pictures...

- A picture of yourself with ten facts

1. I am 5ft
2. Burnett hair
3. Hazel eyes
4. I have curves
5. Been married for almost 7 years
6. Mexican is my Favorite food
7. I work at childrens new world
8. I was saved when I was 12
9. Cant live with out butter!
10. My son is the love of my life

- A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest


MY AMAZING HUBBY!!!

A picture of the cast from your favorite show

CASTLE
- A picture of your night


HANGING WITH MY BESTIE!

- A picture of your favorite memory


FIRST NIGHT IN VEGAS!!! AMY WAS THE BEST!!

A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day


BECAUSE SHE GET TO MAKE OUT WITH JAKE GYLLENHAA!!

- A picture of your most treasured item


MY BOYS!!

A picture that makes you laugh


FIRST TIME BOWLING!

A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most


MY BESTIE!



A picture of something you hate



CLOWNS!!!

A picture of something you love


YEP!!!
A picture of your favorite band or artist



LADY A!

A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without



MY SON!

A picture of something you want to do before you die



SWIM WITH ONE OF THESE GUYS!

A picture of someone who inspires you

MY MOTHER I DONT HAVE A PICTURE OF HER...

A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently



READING GODS WORD!!

A picture of your biggest insecurity


MY WEIGHT


A picture





A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel



GREECE

A picture of something you wish you could change



A picture of something you wish you were better at



A picture of your favorite book



TWILIGHT!

A picture of your day



A picture of something that means a lot to you






A picture of something you're afraid of


SPIDERS!!

A picture that can always make you smile



July 9,2007 my little love came into my life!


A picture of someone you miss


Dan- wish we could see him more!

Well that is my life in pictures!!!

Be happy..

So this week was a very trying week for me to say the least. Not a bad week just emotional and tiring.
I found out that two wonderful ladies I work with are pregnant. When they first told me I cried but then I just started thinking about how I would feel if I told someone such amazing news like that and they cried, I would feel like they were being selfish in a way.
So I prayed and I decided that I am going to be happy for them and you know what I am. I am so excited to see them enter this amazing part life. One women this is her second child and the other it is her first. I just get giddy thinking about seeing their bellies grow and hear what they are going to name them. I know my time will come and they will be just as happy for me as I am for them.
I realized that if I choose to be happy and be positive then I really am and my life is filled with more laughter and love. I have been counting my blessing everyday and my heart and soul is filled with joy. I find my self smiling for no reason now and I love it!




So choose to smile more and be happy you will see a big change in your life...

Patience..

I can feel God's works!!I have so much faith and hope in me right now I just don't know what to do with my self.
I have always tried to be a faithful follower of Christ and like everyone, I have slipped up and just went to my deep " no one cares mode" but I have been working so hard at trying to be more positive and faithful. I have been reminding my self that even though we have been struggling for the last three years it has only been three minutes for God.
I am seeing so much change going on and I love it!
I see my husband happier, with God on my husband side he has lost weight and is leading him in the right direction that is best for him and our family. My husband is an amazing man and I couldn't ask for a better partner in life and father to our son. He works hard for us and still has time to cuddle with us on the couch. I see God shine through him even when he doesn't see it. My family is on our knees praying for what God has in store of us in the next few months, we are waiting with an open heart. I cant really say anything yet until we know more so please pray for our family!
I see joy in my best friend heart and it been such a long time for her. She deserve all the joy that God can give her and I am so happy she has found a love and I cant wait for the day she can yell from the roof top!
God is truly at work and my heart is filled with so much happiness.
I had been so angry for so long because we have struggled and I was jealous of people because I didn't have the newest whatever and the greed and envy I had was eating away at me and I HATED the person I was becoming and the thoughts I was having. Then one day I was reading my bible,
Psalm 37:7
Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass.

I then remember when I was 16 years old I gave my life to Christ and that my life was no longer mine and that he was in control and that I need to be patient. God has always taken care of my family and I.
I sat there thinking of all the things that could have happened but didn't because God has blessed people to love us,a roof over our head, food and jobs . If you think about it that is what is important. Not how much money you have or the car you drive, its about being held by your husband or getting kissed by your son and hearing him say " Mommy I love you"! If I didn't have God in my life I wouldn't have any of those wonderful small moments. How can you not believe in God when you have blessing like that in you life? If I wasn't saved and didn't have God in my life I truly believe that my life would be meaningless and lonely. But when I look in my sons eyes I see Gods work at hand.
Don't get me wrong, I still have my moments and I get anxious and stressed out, I just go back to that verse and take a deep breath and remind my self that God is in control and that his plan is so much bigger then what I could come up with and I love what I see so far...

Three letter words...

" I Love You" Those three words can cause your heart skip, butterflies in your stomach, takes your breath away and go weak in the knees all in one quick swoop and it is the best feeling in the world. You smile for days and you always remember the first time you hear it from that special someone. We wait for the right moment to say it and we wander when we are going to hear it.
So then why after you say it we stop say it? Why after many years together we forget to say it to our loved one? Does the meaning mean less since you have been together for more then 6 months?
I am asking because I have been noticing more and more that couples really dont say it to each other anymore. Yes I know that they may know that they are loved or whatever but everyone still wants to hear it. I always tell my husband I love him no matter what because I dont know if that may be the last time I get to tell him. I still get fluster and butterflies when he tells me and we have been together for almost 9 years.
I wander if couples would be happier if they would say it more to each other and remember how they felt when they heard if for the first...
Just something to think about....

Catching up...

I have been reading though some of my blogs and wow I am a downer! Sorry about that to my fellows bloggers. I get so wrapped up in my thoughts and emotions that I sometimes forget to step back and see what an amazing life that I have been blessed with. So far 2011 is pretty good. Yes I am still struggling with being infertile and the heartache but God's plan is so much bigger and better for me. Other parts of my life are great. I love my job and I think I have found God's path for me. I have decided to go to school for early education and work towards being a Pr-K teacher. If God's plan is for me not to have more children at least I can be surrounded by them everyday.
I am also really learning more about my self in the past few months, I am actually a confident person and I really have my amazing husband to thank for that. He has never given up on me and has always shown me how beautiful I am. I have always been afraid to truly give in to my husband because I am scared that my life is perfect and that when I do give in I will lose him, but as I having been telling my bestie we cant live that way, that is not how we need to live always in fear for the other shoe to drop. So I decided that I am giving in to his love that he has for me and I am going to see my self through his eyes. He makes me feel amazing about my self and I love how I feel when I am around him I want to show him everyday of our lives together how much I love him. God made this man just for me and he is everything I need and want! I love being in love with him.
I am still working on losing weight and well we all know that is nothing new! I have been going to the gym and the other day I ran for the first time in oh EVER!!! But I felt great afterwards granted I ran for like a minute and then walked for five and then run again but hey we have to start somewhere!
Elijah is doing so great in school, he is talking up a storm and he is so smart and I just love hearing about his day and what new things he has learned. He getting so big and really coming in to his own. He will be four this summer and it is killing me!! I am worried whenever we have another one he won't know what to do because it has been just the three of us for so long. I know he will be a great big brother but it will defiantly take some time!!!




Gods has some amazing things planned for my family and I this year and I am ready to take the path he has for us. God is truly amazing and it just takes my breath away every time I see his works...