A child...

My heart is very heavy for one of my sweet little loves. This little guy was the first child to trust me when I came along in my bestie life. I remember when he would run up to me with his hands up and he would say " one more time", I would pick him up and hold him close and spin with him. His laugh would fill my ears. As I have watched him grow, he is still a care free, funny, sweet little boy who looks at the world in a different way. He has a temper, but quick to calm. He loves to sing, and to praise God. He will tell you that you are beautiful and your hair looks pretty. He is a child of God.
 I am so angry with his teacher to willing to break his spirit because he is not like all children, to not look in his eyes and see he is still young and free spirited. Talk to him, see how he is, learn about him. Don't just throw him to the side because he isnt what you want him to be. You became a teacher to build children up, not break them down as you did  him.
 We wonder why our children are growing up so fast, it is because they are forced to be a certain way. They have to be still,quite and clean. They are meant to be silly,loud and dirty. They have to be  perfect and to fit in this box that the world approves of. As a teacher you of all people should know a child's mind. No child is the same no matter how much you try to cut them down to fit in the box.
 God made children a certain way, because when you watch them get lost in their own world, or listen to them tell you their dreams, to hear them laugh with out a care in the world. We get to see what God intended for us to have. Ask a child what heaven looks like to them and it is amazing what they see compared to what we think it will be like. A child's love is one of the most amazing thing because they just give it freely, they forgive and trust with out question. They want to make us proud, they want our love, they want hugs and kisses. Why change that? Why make a child feel bad for telling you how they see the world, who says they are wrong. Maybe you should go to the child's level instead of making them grow up to yours.
 As a parent, I forget these things my self, till I get in the car with Elijah, and we sing Hit the road Jack, or when he tells me he loves me from the moon and back. When he sings and dances around the house, and when he tells me I need to feel it with my heart, I remember he is my child and I want him to stay small for the longest time, I want him to dream, laugh and sing before this cruel world wipes it all away and even when he is grown, I pray he still has the soul of a child. 
 I pray for that teacher, she needs to remember why she became a teacher in the first place, I pray for my little love, that he wont let this one person put doubt in his heart. I pray that we as parents remember what being a child was like...
Because after all, we never wanted to touch the floor because it turned into Lava....

Love this!

14...

I watch this show and it this lady who interviews famous women and they talk about everyday things, pretty much what we women talk about all the time. Love, sex, kids, dreams ect...
 She always ask them " what would you tell your 14 year old self". I love this question!! It makes me think about what I would tell  my self.

1. Ask questions- Nothing is worse then always wandering
2. Listen to your heart- It is usually the right way.
3. Talk to your mom- she will end up being your best friend
4. Be a daddy's girl- He will always be your hero
5.Don't compare your self to those around you - they have their own wants and wishes.
6. Be happy- your young! what is there to be depressed about!
7. Save your kisses- wait for the right guy
8. Study!- Just study!
9.You will lose friends- You will find true ones along the way
10. Dream- Don't let your fears get in the way of your dreams!


Well that is my list! What is yours?

What makes me love you...

To My Mr. Duran~
 You have been by my side since I was 16 years old and at first as a friend and then one day God opened my eyes to the man he made for me and it was lighting in my heart for me. From our first kiss in your car on that summer night and how my chest exploded with fire and it was something I had ever experienced, you sir had me hooked.

 For the past 10 years you have loved me through ever struggle, every sorrow, every smile and laugh. You have been there hold my hand and standing by my side, making me laugh till my side hurt and I can't breath. You have wiped away my tears and held me when I thought the world was going to crash on to my soul. You have shown me how to pray and to trust God with ever fiber in my body. You have fought with me till there was no more words to say and we have unfortunately hurt each other along the way but with out pain and mistakes you will never know grow and learn. Even with those mistakes you loved me through them and we have came out stronger for those mistakes and experiences.

 You have helped me with loving my self and I a finely seeing a little bit of what you see.
  You think of me and get me a diet coke when you are out running errands. You let me pick where we eat and you listen to my crazy dreams I have and you listen  me ramble on about whatever is on my mind and you listen like I am telling the most interesting story ever. You have read Twilight and you watch the movies with me. You love rap music.
 You are horrible at giving gifts and you keeping secrets. You love to pick on me when I am in the worst mood ever!! You get water ever where when you do the dishes and you forget to clean out the sink. You throw the paper on the floor and you always get stuff on your shirt but when I do you always say " Really baby". When I say something dumb or make a mistake you laugh at me and look at me like I am a child and say " baby girl really"?  Drives me crazy but it is who you are and I love all of you.
 You text me every morning and tell me to have a great day. You pray for me when I ask you too. You hold my hand and kiss my forehead. You forgive me easily and you forget with out a second glance. You take pictures with me even though you hate it.
 You love our children and you show them everyday. You make our son laugh and our daughter cry when you sing to her. You will teach our son how to be a man and our daughter how to be a lady and show her how a man should love her, because she will see how you love me. You will show our son how to take of his family and how to trust God no matter how hard life his may get. Our children will never question if you love them. You are an amazing father and our children our so blessed to have you.
  I love you with everything and I more blessed everyday that I am married to you.
 XOXO
 Mrs. Duran

Empowered...

I found this today and it spoke straight to my heart. I have a God that knows that I will have times of not liking my self and right here it shows that he truly know our in's and out's of our hearts and how we may feel about ourselves one day and he put it in the bible for us to see that God made us perfect in his eyes.
 My favorite is " YOU ARE EMPOWERED"  I love that becaues it is how I feel right now. I have decided to take a step foward and take back my life and I do feel empowered and I feel a strenght in my heart that I havent felt in a very long time. I have a ways to go but I feel great and I am happy. I felt pretty all day and it true if you feel great on the inside it shines through.
 I was reminded that my husband finds me beautiful and that he thinks I am sexy. Hearing that just made my whole day. I love reading sweet texts from him and still have my breath taken away and get the butterflies in my stomach. A friend told me if I stopped being so hard on my self that I would see that my husband is in awe of me like I am him and I saw that today from him.
 With my family and friends by my side helping me through the rough patches I know I can keep going and finish what I have started because I am done giving up on my self. God has empowered me to move foward and not to look back....

List...

 I was reading my last blog I posted and I will have to admit that I am really hard on my self more then I really should be. I make my self out to be this HUGE women who cant walk! Which is not the case at all. I work out 6 days a week and I have tried to run but I really Hate how everything jiggles and moves when I run so I decided not to do that for right now.
  So the point of this blog is to list a few things I like about my self and I don't want you to think I am self absorbed but I am tired of hating and judging myself. I am always worried that all these people are looking at me and thinking all these horrible things, but this week I learned that is not the case at all.
 My list...

1. My eyes. I have to say that I have great eyes! I have awesome eye lashes that I have been blessed with.
2. My smile. I would have to thank my mother for my smile and my mother is a beautiful women!!
3. My legs, I really don't mind being short it is who I am and there is nothing I can change about that, but for a big girl I have nice legs.
4. I like my curves of my hips and butt. I like my pants fitting me and my husband is happy I am not all stick (:
5. My boobies!! I am glad to have a good set of girls, they are a bit saggy right  now from having kids but nothing a little nip and tuck wont fix. I am just glad I can where shirts and feel it out like it is meant to be.
6. Last things is my feet, I know it is crazy but I think they are perfect not to big not to small and I like my heart tattoo I have on my foot.

I have things I need to work on and I am working hard and I know in time my list will get longer. I am going to try and work on the thoughts I have about myself and stop comparing myself to others because I am my own person and I have my own looks.  I will never be tall so why wish for something that wont happen, I will never have small a small butt or hips but neither did Marylin Monroe and she was of the sexiest women alive. The more I accept who I am then the happier I will be and the sexier I will feel!!!

I want to be...

I want to be beautiful,gorgeous,breath taking and sexy. Is that to much to ask for?? I don't think so!
  Last night I was laying next to Hubby who was in a deep sleep and I was just in aw of him. He has gotten better looking with age. He has a perfect nose and his lips mm mm and if you know me you know what I am thinking! He has lost some hair but he shaves his head so you wouldn't know . He has grown out a beard and it just make him look better and there is a bit of grey in it ( which he doesn't believe) but I find it sexy because it just shows we are growing older together.  When we first met he was a little heavy and wore this big glasses and he was quite. Then he met me, this crazy loud girl who offered him her piece of pizza that she didn't want ( true story) He looked at me like I was crazy. It took over a year for us to get together but we were friends in the mean time.
  Anyways I always dated bigger guys because well not very many " buff" guys would even give a second look. I was this short, heavy set girl with big boobs and a big mouth to match and not very many guys like how I how spoke  my mind Till Hubby. I had some confidence, and I like how I looked to a point and I wasn't mean to my self, but now I look at my self and I truly cant stand what I see. I have more stretch marks then a road map, my boobs are saggy and my milk will not dry up and lets not even talk about my ass.
   Almost 10 years later I am married to a very sexy fit man who has the love of working out the blessing of dropping weight with no problem he gets better looking while I just become soft and saggy. He has no idea how good looking he is, he gets hit on ALL THE TIME!!! Thank goodness he doesn't notice.
    I am back on Weight Watchers and I am at the gym 6 days a week and I am tanning ( in hopes to hide some of the stretch marks). I have lost only oh 6 pounds in a month, which I am not very happy about. I have so many things I want to do with him and the kids but I cant till I lose this weight. I want to go to Vegas and go backpacking and do a Zip Line and maybe sky dive. I want to learn how to scuba dive and the list goes on and on. I want our life full of fun!!
  I just want to be beautiful for my self and for him. He doesn't get that there are times he walks in and I cant breath because he looks so sexy and the way he holds him self now. He has come a ways since the first time I met him. No wander he gets hit on.
  I just feel beautiful, gorgeous,breath taking and sexy. I  want to stop him in his tracks like he does me, I want to catch him staring at me or cant keep his hands off of  me. I want him in aw of me...