I feel like I am getting closer to know the answer to that but then I start to question my self or listen to other peoples comments that hurt and dwell on them for days. Then I am back to right where I started!
I thought I was gaining my confidant's back, but to be honest with you I am not sure if I was ever getting any. Since started at CNW I have been so worried about what people think about me my confidence level is below ZERO!
I was called fat at least 4 times this month at work and well it really is hard to feel good about your self when that is all you seem to hear,I am tired of my weight defining who I am, because I am more then a number on a stupid white square that can either make you have a great day or make you want to hide under big sweaters for OH EVER! It is hard to walk away with you chin held high or laugh it off when something hurts so much like that 3 letter word.
Why does it hurt to be called fat? I wish I knew the answer to that question, along with why is OK that she eats a whole tub of ice cream and no one even looks at her but I pick up a cookie and I feel like the whole room is thinking " she shouldn't be eating that"! WHY???
Why do I worry about it so much because like I said I am more then a stupid number! I am heavy yes but there is so much more to me then that!!
I have great eyes, I am an amazing wife and mother, I am a trustworthy friend, I will love you with all my heart, I love to sing and and make people laugh, I am a daughter, a sister, animal lover, I love to read and go to plays and concerts. I love warm summer nights, I love to watch movies and play games with my family and friends. I am more then a number...
In Gods eyes I am perfect but in mine I need work, why cant I see what he see in me? Why cant I see what my amazing husband see in me? I wish I could see what my friends see but when I look in the mirror I see that 3 letter word.
The reason why is because I have allowed all of the years of being made fun or all the looks I have received make an impact in the way I see my self. Instead of listening to the people who matter and who love me, I have listen to the strangers whispers and the people from my past. I am no longer going to allow my weight to define who I am. My weight does not make me who I am, it is all the wonderful things I have to offer people, That is what make me ME!!!
Does this mean I am going to start eat whatever? No I am going to keep up with working out and watching what I eat. All I need to to be is healthy and that is what matters. Not what that stupid white square says!!!!
