nothing much

so i am not feeling good right at this moment!! I have done pretty good today, not sure if i am going to eat dinner and if i do it prob be something small. well i really don't have much to talk about right now so maybe later...

doing good

well today has been a good day I have done so much better then yesterday. We went Ihop for dinner and that was a huge mistake!! i was so sick afterwards. So no fast food for me for a while till I am use to the new medicine. I have done really good today I have a half a sandwich and strawberries and brocclie. and some crackers for a snack! For dinner i am makeing bbq bork chops and a salad and corn. oh yeah i had a small frozen yorgert also. well nothing much more to say.

Sleepy

well today has started pretty early 7:00 am!!!! The hubby had to go to training today so he had to wake early. anyways today is the second day of my eating better and so far i have done really good. For breakfast i had yogurt and granola and raspberries. I took my medicine so I am not sure what is for lunch today prob some crackers and tea. It made me really nausea yesterday so we will see what happens today. I need to go buy a scale and a pregnant test. I may and wait for Thomas to get home so I don't have to take Elijah with me. So last night i had a dream that i got under 200 pounds yeah that seems like forever away!!!! But i know of people who have done it and I know if i can i just really stick with this then i can be one of those peoples!! I want my husband to be proud of me for actually sticking with it. I feel like every time i stop trying to lose weight i just let him down and my family down. and i don't want to do that anymore!

1st day

Well today has gone pretty good so far. Had a half of a sandwich for lunch with 5 strawberries and about 7 carrots with fat free ranch and water. nothing for breakfast the hubby let me sleep in. I am not sure what is for dinner yet just really depends on how i feel. I start a new medicine today and it suppose to make me feel like crappy for a few weeks. I really want lose this weight and i know i can i just have to have will power. I am hoping with the help with my hubby and best friend we can do this! well i am going to go lay the baby down for his nap.

oh my gosh

So i weighed today HUGE mistake but it was something that i needed to do. It has been months since I even looked at a scale let alone step up on one. well that is wrong i weighed in at the Dr but i shut my eyes. I am the highest i have ever been and I don't know how or why i allowed my self to get this. I want to just crawl into a ball and cry. I know that will do NOTHING for me but at this moment i really don't care.
I know that I will never look like I did ten years ago hell i wont look like i did 5 years ago. I just need to get that scale number down!!! I hate my self right now more then i have in years. I went to the mall yesterday with my best friend and we went in to lane Bryant and i feel in love with all these panties and bras but why even look i asked my self i will hate how i look in them. no clothes i buy will make me feel better it will just cover up what I am trying to hide ( which is doing nothing) and dreaming and wishing all this Fat to go away is going to do nothing.
So starting tomorrow I am done being FAT!!! I will blog everyday about what i eat and how I am doing. I am not brave enough to put my number up here yet but maybe in a few months i will. I have done this before and I KNOW I CAN DO IT AGAIN!!!!! I have so much to lose if i don't lose this weight and i don't want to do that to my family because i am to selfish to get off my ass and do something about it. This is my fault and I need to fix this now!!!!