I need a sign... I need a flash light to get out of this dark whole I am in. I have been so depressed and down and lost for a while now. I have no one to talk to because I am tired of feeling like this so I have been just dealing with it. I have nothing to look forward to, I get up, go to work, go to the gym ( sometimes) eat dinner, watch TV and go to bed and start the day over. We are working for nothing it seems. Just to pay bills and to pay people back and that is it. Nothing for us, just for everyone else. I know I know that is life but it would be nice to look forward to something. Hell we wont be able to do Christmas this year. I am so heartbroken about that too. I just want to know what are we doing wrong? I am praying wrong and asking for the wrong thing. I feel my faith slipping and I am trying to hold on to it. I have been praying on my knees and crying out to the Lord but I sometimes I feel like I am just talking to no one. I hate feeling like this because I know that I am wrong for feeling like this but I am tired. I am tired of feeling empty, I am tired of seeing things happening for other people and I feel like we are standing out in the street in the rain. When is it our turn? We have been going like this for years and I am not sure anymore what God is trying to show us, guess I am not looking or listening hard enough. It hard to get happy about one thing because in the back of my head I know that something will happen to ruin whatever I am happy about. Things have never came easy for me and you know it would be nice just for once it would be nice for things to happen for us with out a struggle.
I need a change, I need a new out look on life I just don't know how. I feel so alone and helpless... I miss my friends and how things were once upon a time but I guess that is life also things change and there is nothing you can do about. I miss my hubby with me working we barely get to see each other now it more a passing by. I miss my son by the time dinner and bath is done it is bed time. I miss me, I know that these feeling will pass and I will look back and see how stupid I am being but I feel like I am losing my self and I just don't know what to do about it anymore...
I guess I just need to stop whining and count my blessing and stop worrying about things that really don't matter...
