Happy but worried....

My life is filled with so many wonderful things and I couldn't be happier in my life. I just cant help but feel some what down in the dumps. I know some of it has to do with my hormones making me feel up and down like I have been feeling and the rest of it is I don't handle change very well, even the best of changes! I just don't do well with any change.

I am so happy with everything that has started to happen in my life and I am seeing Gods work in every ones else life around me.
I am so excited for the baby but I am worried that I will forget about spending time with Elijah and I worry that him and I wont be as close as we are now, I am also worried that me and the baby wont have a bond like me and Elijah have because I will not get to stay home with the baby like I was able to with Elijah.
I am also concerned with Thomas and I, we are doing great and I know adding a baby into the picture can change a couple and it takes time to find each other again between sleepless nights and feedings and everything else that plays into having a new baby in the house and not to mention keeping the 4 year old happy!
When Thomas and I are off everything in my life is off. He is my rock and my strength when I am ready to throw in the towel. I know we can do it, we have done it before I just pray it is not as rocky as last time.

I am also missing bestie... She is getting married June 25 and I am so happy for her and I love seeing all the change that God is doing in her life. It is just hard to feel like I don't belong anymore or feel like I am not needed. I was her go to person and I am not anymore. I miss being able to call her up and go to a movie but I cant do that anymore. I know I sound immature and selfish but for the past 4 years it was just me and her and now, well it just different. I know it will take some time for things to get back to a some what " normal". I know she is on nine cloud and I know the feeling because I was there when me and Thomas we first together. I couldn't ask for a better bestie and she is my person I go to and I want all the happiness in the world for her and she has finely found what I have been praying for.
Jamey is an amazing man and he loves her like she deserves. I know that she hasn't forgotten about me and I know that her and I are still closer then ever, we are more the bestie we have always been sisters at heart. I am so honored to stand next her when she says I do and becomes Mrs. Amanda Wylie...

I am also dealing with a little of jealousy along with everything else I am feeling. I want to have my weekends with my family but I don't get to. Thomas is sleeping while me and Elijah are doing well nothing really. I see on facebook my friends going to the parks, swimming or to museums or the zoo as a family and I miss that so much. Sundays use to be our day. we would go to a movie and dinner or we would have a nice dinner together and take Elijah to get a snow cone and go for a drive. Instead he sleeps and he gets up we eat whatever we get and then he goes and lays back down. His days off are Monday and Tuesdays so I am at work all day. I miss family time, I miss us time. I know this is life of a cops wife but it still sucks...

I know God has his hand on my back to help me from falling down, he understands my feelings and my worries. I am so blessed to have such an amazing Heavenly Father, I will get past all my worries of the all the changes because he will be there to help me all the way and in the end I will look back and say " why even worry? I know he will give me the strength to handle anything he has plan for my family and I...


Psalm 31:24
24 Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the LORD.

Philippians 4:13
13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

2 Timothy 4:17
17 Notwithstanding the Lord stood with me, and strengthened me.