Job Search...

Well Thomas OT job ended yesterday, so I have to find a job soon. I have roughly a month because then the traffic grant ends at the police department. I really hate job interviews I always seem to say to much or not the right thing. So I have been looking on line and I hope I can find something soon, and hopefully it pays more then my last job did LOL!! When I get back from Vegas I am going to go to the college and see what I need to do to get started. I am feeling a little better about my decision on going back to school. I am hoping I can figure out what will work for me. I am just praying and going to put it in Gods hands and let him lead me the way I need to go.

I wish...

Right now I am just lost beyond words. I am angry with my self and disappointed in my self. As a teen I was always in trouble for whatever reason and I wish I could go back and change a few things or more then a few things and I wish I could change things from last year. Here is my wish list... Things I wish have done...

1. Tried harder in school, a lot of my teachers didn't believe in me so i believed them and just slide by in school.

2. Listen to my parents and did what I was told instead of fighting them all my life, I would have been able to enjoy being a teenager instead of always being grounded.

3. Spoke up in class, I knew a lot what the teacher was talking about but I was too scared that I was going to sound stupid so I would always let another student answer.

4. Put my self out there. Til this day I am scared to take that jump and trust that God will lead me the right way.

5. wish I had found my love of history before now.

6. Wish I had stuck with diets and exercise when I was younger maybe if I had then the scale wouldn't cry every time i get on, Oh wait it not the scale it me!!

7. Wish I had a wedding. Now I know a wedding doesn't make the marriage and I don't regret getting married at the court house but I want to see his face when I walk towards him looking my best.

8. Read my bible more, something i can fix now.

9. wish I had decided to go to school before now. It going to be hard now with a child and a job.

10. wish I could stop making excuses for why I cant do things that will better my self for me and my family.

2 weeks and 5 days!

I am soooo excited for August to get here!!! I am going Vegas for the first time with my two besties and I just can not wait!!! We always try and plan trips together but it never fails that something always fall threw, hubby cant get off work, kids get sick, broke, broke is usually the main one. But in 2 weeks and 5 days we will be on a plan to Sin City! My husband keeps teasing me that we are not going to go to Vegas and do the things we should do instead we are going to hit the pool ( WITH OUT KIDS), Go to some muesumes and shopping. Just have some much need girl time!

Change...

Oh I hate change so much! I like good change like new hair, clothes, and weight loss yep pretty much those 3 things because I can control the outcome for the most part. I wrote earlier that I am going to go back to school to become a nurse, well I really started thinking about it and I really don't know if that is the job for me. With Thomas being a police officer and working odd hours, I don't want to be doing the same thing. We have a son and I don't want him to have two parents that work crazy hours. So I decided on being a dental assistant and then work my way up to being a dental hygienist. I am scared to DEATH!!!! I was not a good student in High School and the truth is I really don't have much faith in my self. I put on a big mask everyday to make people think I have it together but I really don't. The past 3 days I have had nothing but panic attacks, heart burn and I have been tearing up at the thought of going to school. It scares me that much. It was easier for me to become a mother then it is for me to go back to school. So much is happening right now and I just don't know if I can handle all of it, I have to get a job like tomorrow and my husband is really looking for another one and me going back to school and I keep trying to close a door on a certain part of my life but there is a door stop in the way that is glued to the floor. I know God is in control and that when he closes one door he always unlocks another one or two...

Now I just need to figure out which door is the right one to open...