So i weighed today HUGE mistake but it was something that i needed to do. It has been months since I even looked at a scale let alone step up on one. well that is wrong i weighed in at the Dr but i shut my eyes. I am the highest i have ever been and I don't know how or why i allowed my self to get this. I want to just crawl into a ball and cry. I know that will do NOTHING for me but at this moment i really don't care.
I know that I will never look like I did ten years ago hell i wont look like i did 5 years ago. I just need to get that scale number down!!! I hate my self right now more then i have in years. I went to the mall yesterday with my best friend and we went in to lane Bryant and i feel in love with all these panties and bras but why even look i asked my self i will hate how i look in them. no clothes i buy will make me feel better it will just cover up what I am trying to hide ( which is doing nothing) and dreaming and wishing all this Fat to go away is going to do nothing.
So starting tomorrow I am done being FAT!!! I will blog everyday about what i eat and how I am doing. I am not brave enough to put my number up here yet but maybe in a few months i will. I have done this before and I KNOW I CAN DO IT AGAIN!!!!! I have so much to lose if i don't lose this weight and i don't want to do that to my family because i am to selfish to get off my ass and do something about it. This is my fault and I need to fix this now!!!!
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