Happy but worried....

My life is filled with so many wonderful things and I couldn't be happier in my life. I just cant help but feel some what down in the dumps. I know some of it has to do with my hormones making me feel up and down like I have been feeling and the rest of it is I don't handle change very well, even the best of changes! I just don't do well with any change.

I am so happy with everything that has started to happen in my life and I am seeing Gods work in every ones else life around me.
I am so excited for the baby but I am worried that I will forget about spending time with Elijah and I worry that him and I wont be as close as we are now, I am also worried that me and the baby wont have a bond like me and Elijah have because I will not get to stay home with the baby like I was able to with Elijah.
I am also concerned with Thomas and I, we are doing great and I know adding a baby into the picture can change a couple and it takes time to find each other again between sleepless nights and feedings and everything else that plays into having a new baby in the house and not to mention keeping the 4 year old happy!
When Thomas and I are off everything in my life is off. He is my rock and my strength when I am ready to throw in the towel. I know we can do it, we have done it before I just pray it is not as rocky as last time.

I am also missing bestie... She is getting married June 25 and I am so happy for her and I love seeing all the change that God is doing in her life. It is just hard to feel like I don't belong anymore or feel like I am not needed. I was her go to person and I am not anymore. I miss being able to call her up and go to a movie but I cant do that anymore. I know I sound immature and selfish but for the past 4 years it was just me and her and now, well it just different. I know it will take some time for things to get back to a some what " normal". I know she is on nine cloud and I know the feeling because I was there when me and Thomas we first together. I couldn't ask for a better bestie and she is my person I go to and I want all the happiness in the world for her and she has finely found what I have been praying for.
Jamey is an amazing man and he loves her like she deserves. I know that she hasn't forgotten about me and I know that her and I are still closer then ever, we are more the bestie we have always been sisters at heart. I am so honored to stand next her when she says I do and becomes Mrs. Amanda Wylie...

I am also dealing with a little of jealousy along with everything else I am feeling. I want to have my weekends with my family but I don't get to. Thomas is sleeping while me and Elijah are doing well nothing really. I see on facebook my friends going to the parks, swimming or to museums or the zoo as a family and I miss that so much. Sundays use to be our day. we would go to a movie and dinner or we would have a nice dinner together and take Elijah to get a snow cone and go for a drive. Instead he sleeps and he gets up we eat whatever we get and then he goes and lays back down. His days off are Monday and Tuesdays so I am at work all day. I miss family time, I miss us time. I know this is life of a cops wife but it still sucks...

I know God has his hand on my back to help me from falling down, he understands my feelings and my worries. I am so blessed to have such an amazing Heavenly Father, I will get past all my worries of the all the changes because he will be there to help me all the way and in the end I will look back and say " why even worry? I know he will give me the strength to handle anything he has plan for my family and I...


Psalm 31:24
24 Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the LORD.

Philippians 4:13
13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

2 Timothy 4:17
17 Notwithstanding the Lord stood with me, and strengthened me.

What is in a name?

We are having a hard time coming up with a name for the baby. We just can not come up with something we both like. Elijah was easy to name, his name was picked out when we were dating, so when we found out we were having a boy we just knew. We love the name Elijah, it means Warrior of God, we also loved it because Elijah called fire down from heaven and he never died in the bible. His name is a strong name and has great meaning behind it... Of course his name fits him perfect!

So I have been reading the bible and looking up names and I can not come up with anything. Girls names have always been hard for me to think of because there are not very many girl names in the bible that I like and then also there are so many names over done when it comes to girls names and working at a daycare does not help any!! I know that I have plenty of time but I just want to pick a great name that has a great and strong meaning and that will fit the baby.

I love Caleb, I like Noah (hubby loves Noah), and we were thinking Titus but I am just not sure about that. I also like Ethan, Everette, and Copper but hubby really would like a bible name if it is a boy.

Girl names I like are Lily, Ava, Anna, Lauren and Katie... Just not really loving any of those names.
I also have a problem with worrying about what everyone else wants or likes. So I stress about that.

Whatever we name the baby I just want them to be proud of their name.

So if you have any ideas please let me know what you think!!!

Great News!!!

Hello Everyone!

I have not been on in a while and I have been doing fantastic!!!
I ended up not having my surgery because something else came up! I found out on my anniversary that I was pregnant!!!! I just stared at the test and was in complete shock and then it sank in and I ran out of the bathroom yelling " Thomas I AM PREGNANT!!" and of course I was crying. I was on cloud nine!
I am 9 weeks and I am due December 15,2011.
I have been sick and so tired but it is all worth it in the end. My levels stopped going around 7 weeks so they had to put me on some medicine to help my levels and they don't make me feel any better.
God is good! I finally gave it over to him and stopped worrying and he blessed us even more!
I am so excited and I can't wait to share more with you as the weeks go on!!!

Needs Prayers...

I am really looking forward to this week to be over already! Thursday is Thomas and I 7Th wedding anniversary!! Then on Friday we are going to go to Six Flags with some friends and just have a great weekend. Then Easter we are going to go the lake with my parents and relax, because Monday I am going in to have my tonsils taken out. I have been having a really hard time with this because I am so scared that something is going to go wrong. I know that I am in Gods hands and that he will guide the doctor and everything will be fine, but I still cant help feel like this.
My life is perfect! I have a wonderful husband and an amazing son. Loving parents and wonderful friends! I am not ready to leave them in anyway. The thought of never being held by Thomas or hearing Elijah say Momma I love you, breaks my heart and I can't breath. I enjoy everything about my life. God has truly blessed me with so much love.
I know that I am being crazy and ridiculous but it just scares me. I need this surgery because I am always sick and so I have no option on saying no on having the surgery. So I need you to please pray for me that I can have peace of mind and that everything goes OK next Monday.
I will not be on for a while because I am going to be down for a while after the surgery and apparently in a lot of pain! So I will give an update as soon as I can.
I pray that everyone has a wonderful Easter!!

Take over...

So far 2011 has been a great year and there has been so many blessings in my life this year. I know a lot of changes are about to happen and I know that God has so much planned for my family . We thought that we were going to be going one way, but God had something else in mind for us, we are just not sure what he has in store for us. I am ready to see what he has been planning for us.
The past week has really opened my eyes that I am not in control of my life, but God is. We may have our whole life planned out for us, then God comes along and shows us a better more fulfilling life.
We just have to learn how to truly give up our own wants and step out on faith and know that God will provide us with a life that we could never give our selves.
I really don't handle change very well and I see God changing my life right before my eyes and I have my moments of weakness and question what God is trying to teach me. I know if I would just step back and allow Him to take control then I would be amazed with what he could do for my family.
I am going to try and give up my concerns and let God take over, allowing him to give my family the best life possible.

Copy Cat...

I am beyond annoyed right now! So I am going to vent for a minute.
I have been blogging for almost 2 years and this is my way to get whatever I am feeling out and I love my feedback. Blogging is part of my life and it is very important to me.
Well about a month ago I was told ( well it was implied) that blogging is just a diary and that I need to be careful what I say in it or I will have to pay the consequence for what I right, and I did after I wrote a blog that person deleted me from facebook. I was pissed and pretty much done with this person because she thinks she the end all be all ( and she is not).
Well guess who is now blogging??? Yep you guessed it! She has now started her own blog!! After what she said to me and my fellow blogger's. I am so put out with this women! I just don't understand people sometimes! But I will say I hate when people say things and then turn around and do what they just put down... UGH

OK I am done venting! Thank You for listening ( or reading)!!

I hope you all have a blessed Sunday!!!

The Scents of My Wonderful life...

So my life is in twinned with scents and it always has been. I am funny about scents I only burn certain smells at certain time of the years and I never mix to scents. It drives my bestie crazy! The first time she realized this was when we were shopping for candles and she had me smell pumpkin and I told her I couldn't burn that scent yet because it was the summer time. You should have seen her face!
Scents are the keepers of my memories. I have a memory locked away but as soon I smell something, the memory is unlocked and I am taken back.


Like today was a gorgeous day and you could just smell spring in the air. I walked outside and the wind was blowing and I could smell the flowers that just started to bloom somewhere and I was two years back thinking about how I was taking Elijah for walks at the duck pond early in the morning and how much I loved spending that time with him.

I have scents for everyone in my life and for the things that I have happened in my life, some great things and some not so great.

I cant smell the cologne Micheal Jordan because it makes me think of my childhood friends father that past. I was at walmart one day and this gentlemen walked by wearing that cologne and time stood still for me. I was 13 years old all over again and I was with my friends watching the movie Grease and Tom came running in singing along with the movie and dancing around. One of the best memories I have of Tom, when I was still young and things were so simple.
Another scent that takes me back to my youth is fresh cut grass. When I smell that in the air, I am on the softball field playing the game. I loved it!! The late night games, the sunflowers seeds, the chants we would yell. I can hear the laughing and the cheering. I had some of my best times out on the field.

I love when I walk into a salon and I smell the hair, shampoo and the chemicals for the coloring, it takes me back to me and bestie going and getting our hair done, I remember the first time I had bestie get her eyebrows and lip waxed!! OH lord I thought she was going to kill me!! Still makes me laugh!
The smell of popcorn and chocolate makes me think of all the endless talks we have had laying around watching sappy movies and playing the WII...

When I smell the scent of tuna it takes me back to the last time I got to see Mom ( my bestie mother)... She was an incredible women. The smell of books takes me to back when I fist met Mom and DR. They have been such a blessing in my life..

When I smell wet dirt it makes me think of my little sister playing in the sprinkler when she was 4 years old. She is now 13 and she is turning into such a young lady.

One of my favorite scents is Cinnamon, true cinnamon, not apple cinnamon. True cinnamon makes me think of my mother. I loved coming home in the winter because she would always be burning that scent and I loved walking in the door and feeling the heat hit me wrapping me in the scent of cinnamon. Another scent that makes me think of my mom is baby powder. When I was younger my mom would put baby powder on after her showers and when she would leave the bathroom, I would run into the bathroom and close the door trying to keep the scent of the hot water mixed with her shampoo and baby powder in and I would just stay in there till I could no longer smell it. I don't know if she ever knew if I did that, but I always loved how she smelled.

The smell of Copenhagen makes me think of my father. When I smell that scent it takes me back to when my dad was teaching me how to play Jim-rummy. Also the smell of canned Chicken and dumplings, oh my goodness the worst thing ever!! We still crack up about that!!!
The smell of Lime Beer takes me back to last summer when my brother came over and we talked on my front porch till 4 am! We hadn't talk that way in a really long time and I am so glad to have my brother back in my life.
The smells after a thunderstorm takes me back to the summer I got baptised at church camp. One of the best days of my life!

The scent of Cool-water perfume and Lucky cologne takes me back to the summer of 2002 in front of Jenny Reavis house in a red Pontiac where I received my first kiss from my future husband. Till this day when I smell those scents I am 17 years old all over again. Not knowing what God had in store for us.
The smell of Lysol takes me back to the day I found out I was pregnant with Elijah, and how over joyed I was to hear those words " Your pregnant"...


I love how scents are in my life because everyday is like a walk down memory lane for me and I love taking the time to stop and smell the roses and think about all the wonderful things I have in my life...