Back On....

So I am back on the roller coaster today, I have been doing pretty good the past couple of weeks. I hate when I get like this because I feel like I am driving people crazy. I feel like everyone hates me and all I want to do is cry. I am thinking it could be because I took a big step today and confronted something that has been really bothering me and I am just scared of the outcome. I am not really good at standing up for my self, I can defend someone else until I am blue in the face but when it comes to me I just bitch about it and never really do anything about it and well today I finely decided to do something. I hate feeling like all I do is wrong or that I am not good enough. Part of me regrets confronting the issue because I don't want to start drama or feel worse then I already do, but then the other part of me is like it had to be done because Im sick of fighting with people in my head ( yes I fight with people in my head) I know that is not very healthy but It makes me feel better because I am able to get out what I am really feeling and the people say what I want them to say, I know it is crazy!!
I just hope everything works out and that I didn't start drama...

Something as simple as a water balloon...

So with spring break here I have been thinking about when I was younger and how I loved it, it was the first week since school started that we were able to stay out late and hang out. See I lived on a street full of kids and in the summer we would stay out till 1:00 am and it was the best! So when spring break came the weather was nice enough for us to go out and be together with out the parents listening to our every word. I had 3 best friends growing up and we were always together doing stupid things, trying to be cool yeah we weren't! We would listen to music and tan out in the front yard and drink soda in nifty little cups and just talk about the future. It was always the best and I hated when I would have to go home ( we lived across the street from each other) by the time I would go home I would be so sunburned that I couldn't even wear a bra and the bottom of my feet would be black from wearing no shoes all day. Now our children cant go to the store with out wanting to take a DS or watch a movie in the car,or want something from the store that they dont really need,they cant play outside till late into the night because we are worried something will happen to them. It just sad to me that they will not really have those lazy days just playing outside catching firefly's or star gazing till they get sleepy, Because not only have our children need things, so do we as parents we would rather have them go watch TV or go play on the computer so we don't have to go sit outside and watch them because we need to do something that seems important to us, which is just to go watch a show or play a game on the computer. I bet if we would get our of this frame of mind we are all in then we would enjoy simple things again like we did when we were kids.
When of my favorite memories is from a couple of years ago, I was pregnant with Elijah and we had a get together with a bunch of friends and well we got some water balloons for the kids but it end up the adult against each other and then some how we got water guns and by the end of the water fight we had buckets of water, it was the best!!!
That day was full of laughter and enjoyment and one of the best days of my life since I was a child and it all started from a simple water balloon...

Spring Break!

Well I am sooo tired! I couldn't fall asleep till 2:00 am and was up a lot earlier then i wanted to! So I am dragging my feet today on the things I need to do, like cleaning, going to the store and put my laundry up! I just want to lay around today but the house is driving me crazy!!!
Today is the first day of Spring Break and well that really doesn't affected me since Elijah is not in school yet but I always loved Spring Break when I was a kid, it always made me feel refreshed when I went back to school. So I am thinking I am going to do Spring Break Cleaning! The house is not cleaned like I like it and my clothes need to be switched out! Maybe rearrange the furniture I don't know yet. Thinking Wednesday is going to be cleaning day since Thomas works his ot job that day so he will be out of the house at 3:00 pm.
Also going to start walking in the morning I think I need that alone time so I can get in the right mind set for the day.
Well I guess it is time for me to start the day!!! I hope everyone has a good day!!

Nothing Much....

Well I will have to say that I am NOT happy that my husbands vacation is over, He goes back to work tonight and it just plain sucks!!! For the past two weeks I got to sleep with him and I am going to miss that! We didnt do much the past two weeks but for the most part it was a really good vacation. We spent most of it out of town and our friends house, it was great just to relax and hang out. Tonight is going to be hard for me to sleep because I got use to him back in bed with me. I love laying in his arms at night and have pillow talk, we have some of out best talks late at night in whispers because we dont wake anyone up.
Last night my mom took the baby for the night and I had a much needed girls night with some amazing women in my life! We went and saw Alice in Wonderland and let me just say I LOVED it!!! I will so go see it again! Then came home and just relaxed with my hubby. Today is time change so all of are really tired so today is a lazy day and that is just fine with me!!!

Words...

Today I learned a good lesson that I needed to learn. Words do really hurtfeelings even men's, I always thought men were always suppose to be tough and strong and really didn't have feelings I know that sounds crazy but it how I always felt. Today I over stepped the lined and really hurt my husband with words out of anger. I wish I could take back what I said but I cant and I really hate my self right now for hurting him the way I did, I am the one person that he should trust not to hurt him. I need to learn how to walk away and come back when I am not so mad.
The one thing I really hate about a fight, it is like everything nice you ever said to the person is erased and it takes everything to get back to where you were at. I am feeling stupid, immature and childish.
I am praying that my husband can truly forgive me for my hurtful words...

Whole Hearted....

Last night I was talking to my best friend and she said something to me that I have not heard in a really long time and you really don't hear it anymore because of how people are these days. We were talking about love and past relationships and our first crush stuff like that and we have had this talk more then once but she said to me " when I love I give my whole heart away".
Aren't we suppose to give our whole heart away when we love someone? I mean your going to trust this person with you life but not your heart? I too have given my whole heart to someone before my husband and yes I got hurt but It was a risk that I took when I was young and stupid and didn't know what I was doing and when I got it back it was bruised and cut but still in on piece. I know that some people wouldn't take that risk again, they would hold a piece back for safe keeping but I didn't when fell in love with my husband, I just handed over my heart like nothing ever happened and yeah there are scars on my heart but my husbands love has slowly erased them for me. That is what a true love does for you, they will take the bad past you had and give you bright future. Don't hold back your heart because your not giving all you have to them and that is not fair to them, they didn't hurt you and your treating them like they did.
Let them erase the scars for you...

Happy Birthday

Yesterday was my wonderful husband birthday and I feel horrible because he ended up taking care of me because I was sick with the a stomach bug. I just cried because it was his day and here I am sick and he is taking care of me. He always has crappy birthday's and this year I was trying really hard that he had a great birthday and a great vacation as well. Last year on his vacation Elijah and I were both really sick. Well what do you know I'm get sick again! We had a game night on Saturday with some of our friends and so we gave him his big birthday gifts which was a gun that he has been dying for and our best friend got him the series The Shield. So gift wise he made out pretty good! but I still feel pretty bad that I am sick. I just wish that he could have a great birthday with out anything crazy happening.

So Happy Birthday my wonderful love! Thank you for taking care of me and our crazy son. I love you so much and praying next year NO ONE WILL BE SICK!!!
I love you!!!