I am ....

I am blessed with so many people in my life that truly care about me and I forget that so I wanted to say thank you to all you of you who love me for me and don't try to change me. You are all amazing people I love you with all my heart!!!!

Hurt....

OK so me and my brother in law really don't get along and we have had our fights well the last one was because we had to buy a car and he felt that we should have saved up and just fixed the car we had but anyways He deleted me from Facebook because my status updated upset him which really hurt my feeling because I didnt think I had done anything so bad to be deleted from his facebook so my husband did not add him because he was upset with him about other things and because he deleted me... well that made me feel good that my husband was standing up for me.. well all of that changed! I was on my husband facebook and he and his brothers are friends again so I am the only one who is not on my brother in laws facebook I am out in the cold and I know some of are think it just facebook but its the whole fact of the matter. I feel so left out now and I am so hurt that my husband did that to me knowing that it has hurt my feeling. I guess I don't count. I thought you should have one person to stand up for you no matter what and i thought that was my husband well i was wrong there! It kills me that he doesn't stand up for me because i left my family for him 5 years ago and i did not speak to my family for 3 years!! I stood up for him and I left to show them that he is the most important person in my life and I would do it again if need be. I was taught once you get married then it is just you and your spouse right you leave your mother and father and become your own family! I am just so hurt I don't think husband would ever do that for me, I guess I just love him more then he loves me... I want my husband and his brother to have a realtionship but I want to be important enough that he would be willing to leave his family for me....

update

well i have not been on in forever and a day. I have had no Internet and so there you go. We just moved back to Yukon and I am so happy about this change in my life!!! we are about to go to the Dr for Elijah speech so i am a little nervous about this all i can think is that i am a horrible mother and i did not teach my son how to speak. well i have more to say but i need to get ready!

So I have not been on in a while been a crazy week! Just had my birthday and it was so much fun. I was feeling good and I got my hair done and my makeup look good! well i just got done looking at the pictures, No amount of makeup or how i do my hair will change how fat i looked in the pictures. sigh...
I dont know what to do anymore when it comes to my weight I am so lost....

No Pain No Gain

So i went to the work out and all in all it was really good. Laura was super nice and she showed me how to do everything. I even did like 7 sit ups hahahah me do a sit up i was so proud of my self and then I did like 15 squats wow I cant really move. I am going to go again and really try to stick with it!! Amanda did really good to I was so proud of her. I am glad that we are doing this together. We are suppose to go and pick out something to wear for my birthday on Saturday and it going to be fun to try on clothes with my legs feeling like this!!
So tomorrow I am going to do more sit ups and push ups and we will see how my legs feel on Saturday and I may do some squats. well that is it for now....

TODAY.....

so all day so far I have been trying to come up with some sad reason not to go to the Cross fit work out and I am so stupid for wanting to get out of it before I have even tried it. So today is the big day. I am about to get around and get some cleaning done and then drop the hubby off at work and then off to Amanda's for the work out!!! OH BOY!!!!!! well I will let you know how it went....

There is always tomorrow!

well I have not been eating all to good the past couple of days, I am not gone over board or anything I just have not mad very good choices, but there is always tomorrow. I am going to go the work out class with the girls and let me tell you I am so sick to my stomach about this, I am so worried that I am going to look stupid or make a fool out of my self. I need to stop being so scared and just do it. I am so tired of fear ruling my life, so i guess I am doing to it to one try and be healthy and also to show my self that I am worth the time. I keep reminding my self that my 2 best friends will be there right by my side and that I am not alone. So we will see how it goes...