A child...

My heart is very heavy for one of my sweet little loves. This little guy was the first child to trust me when I came along in my bestie life. I remember when he would run up to me with his hands up and he would say " one more time", I would pick him up and hold him close and spin with him. His laugh would fill my ears. As I have watched him grow, he is still a care free, funny, sweet little boy who looks at the world in a different way. He has a temper, but quick to calm. He loves to sing, and to praise God. He will tell you that you are beautiful and your hair looks pretty. He is a child of God.
 I am so angry with his teacher to willing to break his spirit because he is not like all children, to not look in his eyes and see he is still young and free spirited. Talk to him, see how he is, learn about him. Don't just throw him to the side because he isnt what you want him to be. You became a teacher to build children up, not break them down as you did  him.
 We wonder why our children are growing up so fast, it is because they are forced to be a certain way. They have to be still,quite and clean. They are meant to be silly,loud and dirty. They have to be  perfect and to fit in this box that the world approves of. As a teacher you of all people should know a child's mind. No child is the same no matter how much you try to cut them down to fit in the box.
 God made children a certain way, because when you watch them get lost in their own world, or listen to them tell you their dreams, to hear them laugh with out a care in the world. We get to see what God intended for us to have. Ask a child what heaven looks like to them and it is amazing what they see compared to what we think it will be like. A child's love is one of the most amazing thing because they just give it freely, they forgive and trust with out question. They want to make us proud, they want our love, they want hugs and kisses. Why change that? Why make a child feel bad for telling you how they see the world, who says they are wrong. Maybe you should go to the child's level instead of making them grow up to yours.
 As a parent, I forget these things my self, till I get in the car with Elijah, and we sing Hit the road Jack, or when he tells me he loves me from the moon and back. When he sings and dances around the house, and when he tells me I need to feel it with my heart, I remember he is my child and I want him to stay small for the longest time, I want him to dream, laugh and sing before this cruel world wipes it all away and even when he is grown, I pray he still has the soul of a child. 
 I pray for that teacher, she needs to remember why she became a teacher in the first place, I pray for my little love, that he wont let this one person put doubt in his heart. I pray that we as parents remember what being a child was like...
Because after all, we never wanted to touch the floor because it turned into Lava....

Love this!

14...

I watch this show and it this lady who interviews famous women and they talk about everyday things, pretty much what we women talk about all the time. Love, sex, kids, dreams ect...
 She always ask them " what would you tell your 14 year old self". I love this question!! It makes me think about what I would tell  my self.

1. Ask questions- Nothing is worse then always wandering
2. Listen to your heart- It is usually the right way.
3. Talk to your mom- she will end up being your best friend
4. Be a daddy's girl- He will always be your hero
5.Don't compare your self to those around you - they have their own wants and wishes.
6. Be happy- your young! what is there to be depressed about!
7. Save your kisses- wait for the right guy
8. Study!- Just study!
9.You will lose friends- You will find true ones along the way
10. Dream- Don't let your fears get in the way of your dreams!


Well that is my list! What is yours?

What makes me love you...

To My Mr. Duran~
 You have been by my side since I was 16 years old and at first as a friend and then one day God opened my eyes to the man he made for me and it was lighting in my heart for me. From our first kiss in your car on that summer night and how my chest exploded with fire and it was something I had ever experienced, you sir had me hooked.

 For the past 10 years you have loved me through ever struggle, every sorrow, every smile and laugh. You have been there hold my hand and standing by my side, making me laugh till my side hurt and I can't breath. You have wiped away my tears and held me when I thought the world was going to crash on to my soul. You have shown me how to pray and to trust God with ever fiber in my body. You have fought with me till there was no more words to say and we have unfortunately hurt each other along the way but with out pain and mistakes you will never know grow and learn. Even with those mistakes you loved me through them and we have came out stronger for those mistakes and experiences.

 You have helped me with loving my self and I a finely seeing a little bit of what you see.
  You think of me and get me a diet coke when you are out running errands. You let me pick where we eat and you listen to my crazy dreams I have and you listen  me ramble on about whatever is on my mind and you listen like I am telling the most interesting story ever. You have read Twilight and you watch the movies with me. You love rap music.
 You are horrible at giving gifts and you keeping secrets. You love to pick on me when I am in the worst mood ever!! You get water ever where when you do the dishes and you forget to clean out the sink. You throw the paper on the floor and you always get stuff on your shirt but when I do you always say " Really baby". When I say something dumb or make a mistake you laugh at me and look at me like I am a child and say " baby girl really"?  Drives me crazy but it is who you are and I love all of you.
 You text me every morning and tell me to have a great day. You pray for me when I ask you too. You hold my hand and kiss my forehead. You forgive me easily and you forget with out a second glance. You take pictures with me even though you hate it.
 You love our children and you show them everyday. You make our son laugh and our daughter cry when you sing to her. You will teach our son how to be a man and our daughter how to be a lady and show her how a man should love her, because she will see how you love me. You will show our son how to take of his family and how to trust God no matter how hard life his may get. Our children will never question if you love them. You are an amazing father and our children our so blessed to have you.
  I love you with everything and I more blessed everyday that I am married to you.
 XOXO
 Mrs. Duran

Empowered...

I found this today and it spoke straight to my heart. I have a God that knows that I will have times of not liking my self and right here it shows that he truly know our in's and out's of our hearts and how we may feel about ourselves one day and he put it in the bible for us to see that God made us perfect in his eyes.
 My favorite is " YOU ARE EMPOWERED"  I love that becaues it is how I feel right now. I have decided to take a step foward and take back my life and I do feel empowered and I feel a strenght in my heart that I havent felt in a very long time. I have a ways to go but I feel great and I am happy. I felt pretty all day and it true if you feel great on the inside it shines through.
 I was reminded that my husband finds me beautiful and that he thinks I am sexy. Hearing that just made my whole day. I love reading sweet texts from him and still have my breath taken away and get the butterflies in my stomach. A friend told me if I stopped being so hard on my self that I would see that my husband is in awe of me like I am him and I saw that today from him.
 With my family and friends by my side helping me through the rough patches I know I can keep going and finish what I have started because I am done giving up on my self. God has empowered me to move foward and not to look back....

List...

 I was reading my last blog I posted and I will have to admit that I am really hard on my self more then I really should be. I make my self out to be this HUGE women who cant walk! Which is not the case at all. I work out 6 days a week and I have tried to run but I really Hate how everything jiggles and moves when I run so I decided not to do that for right now.
  So the point of this blog is to list a few things I like about my self and I don't want you to think I am self absorbed but I am tired of hating and judging myself. I am always worried that all these people are looking at me and thinking all these horrible things, but this week I learned that is not the case at all.
 My list...

1. My eyes. I have to say that I have great eyes! I have awesome eye lashes that I have been blessed with.
2. My smile. I would have to thank my mother for my smile and my mother is a beautiful women!!
3. My legs, I really don't mind being short it is who I am and there is nothing I can change about that, but for a big girl I have nice legs.
4. I like my curves of my hips and butt. I like my pants fitting me and my husband is happy I am not all stick (:
5. My boobies!! I am glad to have a good set of girls, they are a bit saggy right  now from having kids but nothing a little nip and tuck wont fix. I am just glad I can where shirts and feel it out like it is meant to be.
6. Last things is my feet, I know it is crazy but I think they are perfect not to big not to small and I like my heart tattoo I have on my foot.

I have things I need to work on and I am working hard and I know in time my list will get longer. I am going to try and work on the thoughts I have about myself and stop comparing myself to others because I am my own person and I have my own looks.  I will never be tall so why wish for something that wont happen, I will never have small a small butt or hips but neither did Marylin Monroe and she was of the sexiest women alive. The more I accept who I am then the happier I will be and the sexier I will feel!!!

I want to be...

I want to be beautiful,gorgeous,breath taking and sexy. Is that to much to ask for?? I don't think so!
  Last night I was laying next to Hubby who was in a deep sleep and I was just in aw of him. He has gotten better looking with age. He has a perfect nose and his lips mm mm and if you know me you know what I am thinking! He has lost some hair but he shaves his head so you wouldn't know . He has grown out a beard and it just make him look better and there is a bit of grey in it ( which he doesn't believe) but I find it sexy because it just shows we are growing older together.  When we first met he was a little heavy and wore this big glasses and he was quite. Then he met me, this crazy loud girl who offered him her piece of pizza that she didn't want ( true story) He looked at me like I was crazy. It took over a year for us to get together but we were friends in the mean time.
  Anyways I always dated bigger guys because well not very many " buff" guys would even give a second look. I was this short, heavy set girl with big boobs and a big mouth to match and not very many guys like how I how spoke  my mind Till Hubby. I had some confidence, and I like how I looked to a point and I wasn't mean to my self, but now I look at my self and I truly cant stand what I see. I have more stretch marks then a road map, my boobs are saggy and my milk will not dry up and lets not even talk about my ass.
   Almost 10 years later I am married to a very sexy fit man who has the love of working out the blessing of dropping weight with no problem he gets better looking while I just become soft and saggy. He has no idea how good looking he is, he gets hit on ALL THE TIME!!! Thank goodness he doesn't notice.
    I am back on Weight Watchers and I am at the gym 6 days a week and I am tanning ( in hopes to hide some of the stretch marks). I have lost only oh 6 pounds in a month, which I am not very happy about. I have so many things I want to do with him and the kids but I cant till I lose this weight. I want to go to Vegas and go backpacking and do a Zip Line and maybe sky dive. I want to learn how to scuba dive and the list goes on and on. I want our life full of fun!!
  I just want to be beautiful for my self and for him. He doesn't get that there are times he walks in and I cant breath because he looks so sexy and the way he holds him self now. He has come a ways since the first time I met him. No wander he gets hit on.
  I just feel beautiful, gorgeous,breath taking and sexy. I  want to stop him in his tracks like he does me, I want to catch him staring at me or cant keep his hands off of  me. I want him in aw of me...

Grateful...

About six years ago around this time I recommitted my life, I was lost and hurting and I just thought I was worthless and I was doing wrong and not caring. little did I know it was something I had to go through to learn and truly understand the forgiveness of God.
    I still try to go my way and think I am in control of my life but he has patience for me and allows me to realize on my own that  He knows what my heart and soul needs, not what I think I need.
 I am a sinner and I try to to do right but I still stumble and fall but by with the help of my Savior I am able to get back up and keep walking.
 I am grateful to be a sinner, if I wasn't, If I were perfect and did no wrong then I would not get to know the love of God and my Savior. He died for ME and My Sins! Since I am a sinner I get to know the unconditional love of my Heavenly Father.
  How amazing is that? To know you will always be loved and to have hand to guide you and pick you up when you are broken and hurt. He died for us so we would  know what true love is.
 In the past few months I have learned how to really pray, to open my heart and to actually listen to what he is trying to tell me. I never thought I would be where I am at right now in my life, however I am completely happy and my heart is full of joy and love because of the road he has set for my family. He is in control and I know he will always provide my needs for my family and friends.
  I am sinner and I am grateful to be one so I can tell other people about my stumbles and falls and how I have a God who is always there to help me back up and dust me off and show me the path with less pot holes to fall into.

Annoyed...

I have been trying to work on my blog, however for some reason it is not working the way I would like. So I am annoyed! My backgrounds are not fitting the right way and so I am about to throw my computer... OK not really but that what I want to do. So hopefully I can figure out what the deal is and get it the way I like it.
 OK I am done venting!!

UPDATE....

Hello Blogging world! I have been MIA for a bit and I am just now getting back on. Things have been crazy in my life the past few months but everything has work out according to God's plan for us!
 Piper is now 5 months and she is a hoot! She is so different from Elijah but she is so funny and she loves to smile and laugh. Elijah is going to go to big school next year! He is entering Kindergarten!I am so happy for him! He loves to learn and he is so smart I know he will love school! Thomas is no longer a police officer. A decision we both came to when things were about to get worse then what we could handle. Things were very rough and I am not sure how we got threw it but he is now in the oil field and he loves it! I have not seen him this happy in a very long time! He is gone 8 days at a time and home for 4 days off. I know this is crazy schedule and funny enough it works for us. I like missing him and wanting him, because when he is home it a little piece honeymoon every time (: OK not every time but you get what I am saying. Since God provided us with a better paying job, I am able to stay home with the kids again and I couldn't be happier!
 Summer is approaching fast and I am ready to hit the pool with Bestie and the kids! She is doing great by the way! Married life has treated her very well. She is so busy now it is crazy. We use to be with each other all the time but now we have to share each other a little more! We have changed and grown together in the new lives God has given us.
  All in ALL life is great! With a few bumps and turn around but without those we wouldn't appreciate the perfect moments we are lucky enough to have! That is it for now! I will be working on updating my page and get back into what I love most, Sharing our life with you!

Reba....

I have had so much on my mind that I want to blog about, from my salvation to the baby and I will get to those but right now I want to blog about this lady!





Yep REBA!!!!! I was blessed enough to go and see her this weekend and let me tell you I couldn’t stop smiling or dancing! I was in the third row center stage!

My bestie was right there next to me!


I never thought I would see her in concert but for my birthday bestie and very much to my surprise got me tickets! I was so excited I cried and almost chocked on my food! I think that was the best reaction I have ever had and it was so sad that bestie didn’t record me like she usually does when she gives me birthday gifts. She still gets a kick out of my reaction from last year when she gave my Tyler Perry tickets and she still replays it and laughs.

It was by the far one of the best concerts I have ever been too! Reba was my very first tape I ever had I got it for Christmas when I was about ten I want to say. I ran that tape nonstop, dancing in my room and singing every song by memory, being at the concert took back in my room singing with a hair brush.
The best part was Piper was just rocking along with me!! It was an amazing night and I will never forget it!!!

Thank you My Amanda Panda for one of the best gifts!!!!
You made my dream come true! I love you more!!!!

Understanding...

Yesterday I was on yahoo news and I read that this trainer was becoming obese so he could understand what it was like to lose weight. I guess he has always been fit or whatever and so he thinks if he gets fat then he could understand how hard losing weight is.
This really bothers me because I don’t understand why people are always trying to understand overweight people. Why are overweight people so interesting to the world? Like when they do a show about a skinny person in a fat suit. They want to know what it is like to be fat for a day. So they can say they understand how overweight people feel. Understand my foot!!
Hell yea it is hard to lose weight if it wasn’t then we would all be skinny and fit and do you think people become overweight on purpose? I am going with NO! I didn’t plan on being overweight, not something you plan it just something that happens over the years.
What this trainer doesn’t realize that it not about losing the weight it about saying no to the food. People out there have an addiction to food and if they could stop eating they would. That is not the case with all people but most of them.
I let life get away from me and I forget to eat and then I eat whatever is around me and sometimes it not healthy. I don’t sit around and eat all day and gorge myself, before I became pregnant I would go to the gym, walk and do Zumba. Right now I am enjoying being pregnant and I am eating pretty much what I want and guess what I haven’t gained any weight!! I have every plan to get back in the grove of things and going back to the gym and eating better after she is born.
The point of this blog is, how about trying to get to know the person based on the person not because they are overweight and you want to know why they are or you want to prove to yourself you could lose the weight or whatever. Hopefully this trainer will get his understanding he is looking for and it will make him a better trainer.

Makes you think....

A worried woman went to her gynecologist and said: 'Doctor, I have a serious problem and desperately need your help! My baby is not even 1 year old and I'm pregnant again. I don't want kids so close together. So the doctor said: 'Ok and what do you want me to do?' She said: 'I want you to end my pregnancy, and I'm counting on your help with this.' The doctor thought for a little, and after some s.........ilence he said to the lady: 'I think I have a better solution for your problem. It's less dangerous for you too.' She smiled, thinking that the doctor was going to accept her request. Then he continued: 'You see, in order for you not to have to take care 2 babies at the same time, let's kill the one in your arms. This way, you could rest some before the other one is born. If we're going to kill one of them, it doesn't matter which one it is. There would be no risk for your body if you chose the one in your arms. The lady was horrified and said: 'No doctor! How terrible! It's a crime to kill a child! 'I agree', the doctor replied. 'But you seemed to be OK with it, so I thought maybe that was the best solution.' The doctor smiled, realizing that he had made his point. He convinced the mom that there is no difference in killing a child that's already been born and one that's still in the womb. The crime is the same! If you agree, please SHARE. Together we can help save precious lives! "Love says I sacrifice myself for the good of the other person. Abortion says I sacrifice the other person for the good of myself..
By: Jagadeesh K Rathinam

Going Fast...

This pregnancy has gone by faster than I thought it would, I found out pretty early so I thought I would be pregnant forever! Yeah I was wrong!!!
Monday I will be 28 weeks and I will be entering my third trimester according to my What to Expect book. It just seems like yesterday hubby and I were talking about how we have plenty of time and now we are down to 3 months! To be honest with you I am freaking out!! I haven’t even bought her a single thing; I will pick up something at the store I think oh I have time to get her something. .. Now we are almost here and I still haven’t bought her anything! By this time with Elijah I had so many outfits and toys for him!
I am feeling more pregnant now, my belly is getting bigger and it is getting hard to breathe because Ms. Piper loves my ribs! She moves a lot at night and she moves with ever Thomas talks to her. She loves to stretch out and do a little dance on my bladder. I can’t wait to see what she looks like, Elijah had dark hair like me and big lips like Thomas so I can’t help but wonder if she is going to look like Elijah or completely different! I see a curly haired little girl but other than that I have no idea. We go in on Tuesday for another ultrasound and I am excited to see her again and this time Thomas gets to go with me!!
I went and bought some new maternity clothes and they are super cute, I just wish it was this easy to find cute things when I am not pregnant LoL!
We have so much to do before she gets here. We have to move things around in the house and deep clean it since we have a black lab who just loves to leave her hair EVERYWHERE!! Tomorrow my mother and bestie and I are going to go register at Babies R US and maybe target! I am excited to get that done with my two favorite ladies!!! We are going to start planning the baby shower and all that fun stuff! We are having a Halloween themed one! I cannot wait for our baby shower, Elijah’s was so much fun and I am looking forward to celebrating with all our family and friends. We are incredibility blessed and I couldn’t thank God enough for all the wonderful people he has put in our life and I can’t wait till Piper gets to meet all of them!!

Sick...

Headache? Check
Sore Throat? Check
Stuffy/Runny Nose? Check

Yep I am sick!! I hate being sick and pregnant because it a double hit! You can’t really take anything and you already tired from being pregnant so let’s add everything on top of that you just have no energy! I have been in bed all day with a box of Lotion tissues and Tylenol! I am praying that it doesn’t turn into strep because (knock on wood) I haven’t gotten it since I found out I was pregnant. I hope this clears up fast because I have a great weekend planned!
On an update, I passed my three hour glucose test!!!!

Elijah went to the fair today with my parents and that was great because I was able to get some rest and he got to have fun! Thank you mom and dad for being awesome!
Now I am going to take more cold medicine (it is safe) and watch Bridesmaids!
Goodnight…

Pregnancy Update…

I went to the Dr. the other day and everything is looking much better. My blood pressure is under control with my medication and my weight is good. However I had to do the glucose test. You know the really gross drink and you have to sit for a hr., yep that one! Well my Dr. called and I FAILED that test!! So what did I do today?? I had to do another test but this time I had to wait for three hours! I sat there in this small office while people came and went. I had my blood drawn every hr. I am praying that I pass this test because if I don’t, it means I have diabetes. I am trying not to freak out about this but I am!!
I should find out on Monday or Tuesday! I know a few women who had diabetes while they were pregnant and they said you just have to watch what you eat. It would make sense if I did because I still get horrible headaches and blurred vision even with my blood pressure controlled.
I go back to the high risk Dr. on September 26th and I can’t wait to see my baby girl again! This time my hubby gets to go with me!!
So please pray for me that my test comes back better this time!!

True Love...

his pledge to her: "i will kill the spiders. i will share my fries with you when you’ve finished all yours and are still hungry. i won’t ever pop my collar. i will never be rude to your tummy- when i hear it growl and gurgle, i promise to bend down and reply respectfully. i will eat the mushrooms when we order the supreme pizza. i will kiss the papercuts. and the door-slammed finger. and the counter-bumped hip. i’ll try my hardest not to get annoyed when you whisper questions and comments during movies. i will be the big spoon. i will let you win at wrestling. sometimes. other times i will not. i will go faster. harder. i will pull when you want. and tease you when you don’t. i will send you random txts and leave you silly gifts. not always. not on schedule. just whenever i want to. whenever i think you need one. or seven. i will check your tire pressure. and remind you to take your car in. i will hold your hand. i will love you. i will love you. i will love you."

Doubt ...

I have been full of doubt for the past few weeks and I am really not sure why.
I question everything in my head when someone says something. However it has been so much worse when it has come to my husband. I doubt everything he is saying to me. I just sit there and wander what he is telling me is true.
The thing is I have always had doubts about things, it like everyone else has their shadow’s to follow them but I have doubt. It always there, just whispering things to me. “He really doesn’t love you, who would love someone like you" I am getting that one a lot and it is eating away at me.
I don’t know what to do? I am getting to the point that I do not believe a word from my husband and it is causing fights and hurt feelings. I have always wondered why he was with me. I am short and overweight. I just don’t know what he sees in me. I feel people are looking at us and asking why is he with her.
I know this is not normal. I should be happy he loves me and that he is with me but it honestly hard to be, because doubt is there standing there reminding me how I look or how I am. I was hoping when I got married and had kids that I would have more confidantes but I don’t. I feel like I am back in school and I hear the kids calling me names and reminding me that I am short and fat...
I just don’t know what to do anymore; I do know that I can’t keep this up because I am pushing a wonderful man away and I so very much love him...

So if you could please pray for me that God shows me that doubt is just the devils way of controlling me...

Lost....

Don't you hate when you lose something and you have no idea when or where you lost the item?
That is what happen to me yesterday. I have a thumb ring that I have been wearing on my thumb for 7 years now and I never take it off! Well I was driving to dinner and I went to go mess with it like I always do, when I noticed that it was GONE!! I freaked!!! I looked on my self, floor, Elijah car set and I couldn't find. I have no idea where it went.
Now I know that some are thinking just go get a a new thumb ring, well that the problem the ring was my first wedding ring from Thomas. We got married at 19 and we had no money so we both had simple silver bands. When he " upgraded" our rings a few months later I put the silver band on my thumb.
I kept it on to remind me every day how far we have came in our life together...
I will keep looking and praying it will show up somewhere. I know I don't need the ring but I like having the reminder how blessed and loved I am by my husband...

Trying to change...

This weekend didn't go as plan and part of is my fault because if things don't go my way then I can be a totally you know what! I wanted this and that and I didn't get it and so I put on my silent treatment towards hubby and then the Witch came out.
As the day went on I started to thinking about everything that happened, I realized I am trying change my husband into something he isn't, I fell in love with him and I married him and he is the same person he was 9 years ago, so why I am trying to change him.
I see other couples and what kind of relationship they have and I judge my husband for not doing what that other husband is doing, which is hurtful and wrong.I have a great husband, I may not get flowers or cards but he really does give me so much more,I just need to realize what is important. He is a good man, he has an amazing heart and he loves me for just me! I am a big girl and he finds me beautiful and sexy ( even though i don't believe him). He is an amazing father and he thrives to take care of us. I know he loves me and 7 years later I just don't understand why he is even with me! I don't know how I got so blessed, instead of trying to change him I need remind my self everything he does for me and our family.
We may fight and we bicker at each other but we have a great relationship and we have a strong love for each other.
I realize I dont want him to change because he is the man that God made for me...